Writing ♥LOVE Letters isn’t just for lovers....

♥ DAILY LOVE TIP – Thursday July 28, 2011

Who needs you to write them a ♥LOVE note today? It might be your ♥Beloved but it might also be your child or your parents or your brother or sister or friend……….. Who’s missing your ♥LOVE-ing attention? Who would you like to write you a ♥LOVE note or letter……….?

A really important ♥DAILY LOVE TIP in any relationship where you care for the other is to do things for them that they value as ♥LOVE-ing and caring. And what is crucial is that you ‘hit the target’ or ‘hit the bull’s eye’ in terms of what will have meaning to them.

How do you find out what will be ♥LOVE-ing and caring to them and ‘hit the target’? Best to ask them…… “Hey hon, what can I do for you that would make you feel loved and cared about?”……then make a list to remind yourself……

And it is important that you communicate that information about yourself to the people who care about you as well. It doesn’t work to think or say – “well if you loved me you would know”, or “there’s nothing I really need/want”….or any of the other things that get put forward.

A problem that can arise that we need to be checking out is that we tend to give to our partners and people we care about what we need and like. We tend to give ♥LOVE in the way we want to be loved and our growth edge is to learn how to ♥LOVE our partners/’the other’ in the way they want to be loved.

♥LOVE-ing and caring behaviours need to be small and easily repeatable…..AND done even when you are in a bad place between you and ‘the other’….in fact it is the time when it is the most important to be loving and caring to them….It is particularly good to have your list then as we need a reminder of options to choose from in those times of reactivity and conflict which is when you are least likely to remember what will be loving and caring for them and you will least likely want to do anything for them or think of what to do for them.

It is good to offer options that can be done regularly ….small things make a big difference – make me a cup of tea, hold my hand when we go for a walk, write me love notes and leave them in ‘surprise’ places, go for a walk with me, massage my shoulders, cuddle with me on the couch, greet me at the door and kiss me when I return home, text me that you love me and are thinking about me in the middle of the day, smile at me when you see me, Skype me a good morning message, carry the shopping in from the car, make me a meal that I like, ask how my day has been and listen to me share for 5 minutes, give me uninterrupted time to read the morning paper….daily building our giving and receiving ♥LOVE muscles.

Questions for you:
What are a minimum of 5 things that make you feel loved and cared about that you are willing to share with someone you love.
Are you willing/able to share with them? If not what gets in the way for you?
Will you ask someone important to you what are 5 things that you can do that makes them feel loved and cared about by you and then commit to doing them?

CAUTION: do not let this exercise be a cover to criticise ‘the other’ for what they don’t do!

♥MIRRORING TOPIC: I feel loved and cared for when you…….………Talk about this for a minimum of 5 minutes while ‘the other’ mirrors you.

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