Monday – 14th March 2011
I have been getting some great comments from people. A BIG THANK ♥YOU! It is valuable for me to have people post comments as it is like I am having a conversation with real people :O) And that energizes me. For me it is like you have come to visit with me….you are crossing the bridge into my world…….seems that has been a common theme for a number of posts…… it would also be great to hear from you… leaving your comments invites me to connect to you and visit your world and I have received feedback that people sharing their story or what comes up for them from reading my posts touches and inspires others as well….
Have you subscribed♥ It’s a good idea to subscribe as you automatically get emailed whatever is posted. The idea is to use my blog to keep people in touch with what we are doing and for sharing about our experiences on the cruise, in Seattle, etc…….. as well as new information and teachings around relationships that impact and influence me that I think will make a difference to your lives.
Some of you may not know about our Communication ♥TOOLBOX/TREASURE CHEST and what it is and haven’t heard of the ♥TOOLS that are stored in there. So today I am going to give an explanation of it as well as describe crossing the bridge which is one of the ♥TOOLS.
In the workshops and counselling that Shelton and I do, we teach participants solid user-friendly ♥TOOLS to take home. These tools support you to continue to work on creating, building and nourishing your relationships. We believe everyone needs a Manual or a set of instructions to understand what is going on in relationships as well as ♥TOOLS you can pull out from your ♥TOOLBOX/TREASURE CHEST that you can use in a wide range of situations with regard to your relationships – especially when there is high triggering, reactivity and conflict. We chose to use pictures/symbols to express each of these ♥TOOLS as our brain remembers them easier than just describing them with words.
One of the ♥TOOLS is crossing the bridge.
The idea is to cross the bridge to visit the “world” of the other. To do so we need to leave our own world behind and to go and explore the environment of the other and really listen to them and their story or interpretation of what is going on; this is especially important when the voices in our head are telling us that what they are saying is not true and that’s not the way it is, or should be. It means leaving behind, on our side of the bridge, our opinions and our beliefs, our ideas, our thinking and our assumptions and theories about how things should be (and how ‘the other’ should be) as well as our feelings and our impulses. We cross the bridge with open heartedness, with curiosity and bringing our full attention to the other. We visit with the intention to be fully present to the other.
When there is conflict and triggering in a relationship it usually means there is a difference in opinion between those involved. It is only when we suspend judgment and criticism and superiority that we know how things should be and how ‘the other’ should be, that the other will feel safe enough to show or be their true self. Crossing the bridge is a powerful way for people to feel truly accepted for who they are and for creating connection with your loved ones.
Some examples of crossing the bridge where we really have to be conscious are talking with a young child who doesn’t want to go to school, or to bed; a teenager who doesn’t want to get off the internet when we want them to or when a parent is talking with them about sex, drugs, friends or the latest fashion they don’t approve of ; a parent who is on a different wave-length than you; partners who want different things or see things differently, communicating with an estranged ex-spouse or worse still their new partner who are parenting your children; a work colleague with a different work ethic; a person from a different culture……There are countless examples where we need to stretch out of what we know and what is true for us to discover that there is merit and value in different ways of seeing the world.
Hedy Schleifer who is a very dear friend and colleague of ours talks about this idea in a 20 minute lecture at the TEDx Tel Aviv Conference. You can check out her talk at http://www.youtube.com/hedyyumi
I send an invitation for you to practice crossing the bridge into the world of some others that you experience as out of your ‘comfort zone’.
Questions for you:
Whose world do you find difficult to visit and understand♥
Who is difficult for you to invite to cross the bridge to visit your world♥ What gets in the way…♥
The Communication ♥TOOLBOX/TREASURE CHEST is where all the ♥TOOLS are stored. Having a heart in the box is to remind us that using the ♥TOOLS from the heart gives us a much higher chance that the ♥TOOLS will work effectively.
We decided to use the idea of combining the concepts of a ♥TOOLBOX and a TREASURE CHEST as it is important that we use the ♥TOOLS seeing them like Treasures and Gifts to connect us more to our hearts and our creative right side of the brain, as well as equipment/tools to achieve the effect we want connecting us more to our logical left side of the brain.
Let me explain by using the following example – we need to cut down a tree. An axe may do the job, but a chainsaw will probably get you there faster and with less blisters! And yet it doesn’t really need us to connect to our heart to choose the right tool or to cut the tree. Our ♥TOOLBOX/TREASURE CHEST is different in that there are specific ♥TOOLS that we need to use in particular instances and we need to choose the best ♥TOOL by first connecting to our heart and always having in mind that our job is to connect to the heart of the other.
♥CONNECTION is our most important goal. We DON’T use the ♥TOOLS with the primary goal being to get ‘the other’ to behave or act in the way we want them to…we use them so that WE can behave in a way that is loving and caring of ourselves, ‘the other’ and our relationships.
Please share your experiences of using the different ♥TOOLS with us. The ♥TOOLBOX/TREASURE CHEST is ‘a work in progress’. We are continuously adding new ♥TOOLS and we greatly appreciate and encourage you to share through posting a Comment about the ♥TOOLS that you use that help you to stay loving and respectful and conscious in your interactions with others – especially when you are triggered and in times of high reactivity. We would all love to hear personal experiences from any of you about the unique ways you have been using the ♥TOOLBOX in your life. Real life examples make it come alive in terms of all of our learning.
Questions for you: What are your preferred ♥TOOLS when you get into reactivity with a loved one♥ What are the Results you get when you use them♥ Share about this with someone.
Sending wishes for a day of extraordinary discoveries, ♥LOVE Susie.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers
within yourself that you have built against it” ~ Rumi