LOVE TIP – Thursday July 12th, 2012

Hello dear Ones

I’ve found myself from time to time thinking about my brother Malcolm’s dying – so hard to believe it has already been 3 weeks – and at times I find solace reading the poetry that I wrote through the eighteen months of dying time of my Beloved Russ, my last partner of 25 years……[for some of his story see here.…..]
One of the strongest, most dear memories for me of this time is our holding hands……which we always did……….and how beautiful for me that this is also one of the treasures that is precious of the last night I spent with Malcolm as he lay unconscious labouring with each breath in the last hours of his life…..Holding hands is not something we would normally do as brother and sister….

The other day I was sitting with the memory of the touch of us holding hands feeling it’s sweetness…….feeling it very physically in my body …….teary at the pureness and beauty and strength of the feeling…..of the memory…….so grateful for the opportunity….and was reflecting on how in our everyday life Malcolm  and I would exchange Hello and Goodbye hugs but holding hands was not something we did……

That same evening I received an email from two dear teachers and colleagues of ours, Hedy and Yumi Schleifer sharing about how “Holding Hands Shapes Your Brain” which included the beautiful Hedy sharing about this on the following video….

From their email:

“In a study done in 2006 by James Coan, a neuroscientist at the University of Virginia, researchers looked at the MRI images of the brain when women held their husband’s hands when they felt under threat. Here is what he found: “When you are holding a hand, any hand, the parts of your brain responsible for mobilizing your body into action calm down….it doesn’t matter whose hand it is…………” 

I particularly wanted to share this – apart from how beautifully serendipitous it is – as often times people are in situations when they are with someone who is sick, maybe dying, or someone who is frightened or upset or feeling alone…..and are not too sure what to do, or are wondering if in fact, there is anything they can do to help. Let me repeat and underline the research – “When you are holding a hand, any hand, the parts of your brain responsible for mobilizing your body into action calm down….it doesn’t matter whose hand it is……” Please reach out!

“……Reach out and touch
Somebody’s hand
Make this world a better place
                                           If you can…….” ~ Diana Ross

Hedy’s sharing took me straight back to a poem I wrote just 2 weeks after my Beloved ♥Russ died. The special link that we had to each other, especially in the last few months, was holding hands as it was too painful for him to be held or hold in any other way. I did share this poem in the post I wrote on the anniversary of his death yet it feels right to share it again now:

Giving Is Receiving

25th January 2000…..Alone, nearly two weeks tomorrow. Feeling so overwhelmed by missing Russ. Listening to music [Forever] and crying and feeling like I’ll disappear in it if I don’t do something. Writing always feels like my salvation. Never know what it is I want to say. Feel oh so                   tired now. It’s midnight…………

I want so much to hold his hand
to feel his warmth
to touch him
to feel him
with my hands
with my arms
How could he be so much a part of me
How could he be so physical
And then just suddenly not anymore
And still look so exquisitely beautiful
still look like my beautiful man

Where’s he gone?
My brain screams out
He’s still so much here
so much a part of me
in my heart
in my mind
in my soul
in my cells
in my body
forever him and me

How can he not be here
When every cell in my body
feels joined to him.

I remember reaching out for his hand
receiving the thousand of messages
our holding on said to each other
feeling the warmth that only he could give

How to explain to others
How each moment is oh so precious
Is never to return again
How to teach them to enjoy to the fullest
The touch, the look, the feel
Of your Beloved
Appreciate their goodness
their beauty
find thousands of ways
to touch them
to warm them
to feel them
to love them

I can hold my darling love in my heart
He’s been there forever
Our love spans eternities
and he’s now touching me from Spirit
but I still yearn for his physical touch
his embrace
his encircling me through the night
his hugging me through the day.

I am so blessed to be so loved
to have been so touched

So many voices inside me
scream out loud
to others to hear of my sorrow
to remind them to not lose a moment
when you can tell your Beloved
of your love
reminding you to find new ways daily
of showing your love
Finding how many ways to say I love you.
Don’t wait for tomorrow
don’t wait for the next moment
Reach out now.
reach out and receive

If you are interested in more of my poetry from that time it would be my privilege to share it……I have been thinking maybe it’s time to publish it

MIRRORING TOPIC: Who needs your LOVE-ing touch? Share with someone what impacts you about this post. MIRROR each other for a minimum of 5 minutes.

What a Gift Life is…….blessings and ♥LOVE, Susie.