♥LOVE TIP – Tuesday April 17th, 2012
Greetings dear ♥People,
All relationships that matter to you need you to make expressing appreciations and focusing on the positive and what you like and value about them a daily joyful practice…..There’s lots of words you can use to prompt you, starting with THE 8 A’s from our Communication ♥TOOLBOX – TREASURE CHEST.
You could also use I value, honour, respect, ♥LOVE, like, am grateful for, what touches me about you….One guy put it well by saying we all need to expand ‘our praisecabularies’…….. I suggest you ‘play around’ with all these words….and perhaps spend a week noticing and saying what you admire, then go to what you honour,….etc…..not in any particular order exploring and experimenting with all the words……..
We see it as the quickest ‘fix’ for strengthening any relationship…..and not forgetting “Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay”, is the slogan on the T-shirts on Dr John Gottman’s site. Here’s a formal structure you can follow:
The Sender [person speaking] talks about something s/he appreciates [or any of the 8 A’s] about the other and the feelings this helps elicit.
One thing I appreciate about you/ I’m grateful for/ value/adore about you/_________ is__________________________
What’s important about that for me is______________
When you do that I feel _______________ (e.g. touched, happy, joyful, inspired).
And I realize____________________________________
Thank you for that.
The Receiver [person listening] mirrors and summarizes, then validates and empathizes.
SWITCH ROLES. The new SENDER starts their sharing with:
“What I experienced inside as I listened to you just now is_____________”
Use above sentence stems
Keep all appreciations clean of any negativity. When doing appreciations avoid all topics that are currently frustrations or irritations in the relationship.
Here’s gorgeous ♥Sam and ♥Nic sharing a simple version of an Appreciation at the beginning of a dialogue and generously offered to share it as an example of the process. It is always a caring way to connect with each other whenever you begin a dialogue….. Imagine them sitting opposite each other in the dialogue position – knee to knee, heart to heart, eye to eye…………..♥
♥NIC – I love and appreciate the way you make me laugh everyday – it is a very joyful relationship
What is important about that for me is that I didn’t grow up in a house where there was a great amount of laughter and I am really enjoying it as an adult
I realize how warm and alive it makes me feel.………..
♥SAM – I appreciate how much I love the way that I wake up in the morning – I either wake up wrapped around you or shortly after you wrap yourself around me.
What is important about that for me is that it helps me feel very connected and I start the day on a positive footing.
And what I notice about that is when I was growing up I didn’t always want to go downstairs as it wasn’t always a good place to be in the mornings…….
Question for you – which of the words above [or others] do you prefer to hear if someone is appreciating you♥
♥MIRRORING PRACTICE: After doing the Appreciation Dialogue share about how it was doing it and have ‘the other’ ♥MIRROR you for a minimum of 5 minutes and then swap. Share how it is for you to have others appreciate, acknowledge and compliment you…..
Valuing and appreciating you for your ♥LOVE-ing and kind words, SUSIE.
The words that enlighten the Soul are more precious than jewels
~Hazrat Inayat Khan♥
If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.
~ Abraham Lincoln♥
Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people’s souls. ~Melody Beattie♥
Counting down to the start of our MAY 30 Day Being-♥ Love Campaign … only 12 days to go. Looking forward to ♥YOU joining us!
We are suggesting ♥Mothers as a SPECIAL FOCUS for the MAY Campaign – Mum, Mom, Mummy and all the names she is known by…… for FULL DETAILS see: http://www.facebook.com/events/226983764050964/ OR 30 Day Being-♥ Love Campaign on the blog.