♥ DAILY LOVE TIP – Saturday December 3, 2011

On the way to the Workshop this morning we drove along Melbourne’s Yarra River at about 8am……what an amazing amount of people were out and about….paths full of people jogging and walking, groups of fitness classes on the lawn, rowers on the river, bicyclists, parents running and their kids in prams or on scooters,  groups of people having BBQ and picnic breakfasts…..such an active and alive place……..

I started thinking about how this same scene is repeated in Brisbane and Perth and Seattle and in fact any city or town we come into…..thinking about how committed people are becoming to their physical fitness and how much time and energy and money they invest in it…… and how most of the people out and about would seriously schedule regular time in the day/week.

Then I started reflecting on how much time people invest in being with their partners……. and one of the most common things we hear is – we don’t have the time to spend just being together, the time together to talk and the time to go out on weekly dates, even to have sex, the time to nurture and nourish their relationships……

What we do know is all couples need to have regular time to totally focus on their partner and relationship without outside distractions. We know that all relationships need regular renewal, enrichment and indulgence and one of the biggest reasons marriages/committed relationships fail is that partners don’t spend enough time together – especially ♥LOVE-ing and ♥FuN time.

Questions for you: do you schedule daily ♥LOVE-ing time with your partner if you are in a committed relationship or time for your family and friends if you are not♥ Ask your partner and the people who you care about if they think you are available enough♥  ♥MIRROR their sharing.  Do you prioritize it in your daily schedule♥

There is a practice that we suggest which is called the TEN DAILY FOCUS MINUTES or FOUR CRITICAL MOMENTS EXERCISE. There are four important moments in each day that will set the tone of the relationship throughout the day. If you will attend carefully to these four special times each day (and this will only take a few minutes) you will discover that you are creating an atmosphere, an ambiance that will set a positive tone in your relationship throughout the day.

We use the phrase “critical moment” to mean an “important, crucial, key moment” in the day of every couple.

Professor John Gottman – http://www.gottman.com/ – who is the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, Washington that was created to foster research on marriage, couples, parenting and families has gained international repute as a researcher who KNOWS what makes marriage last and what makes it fall apart. He suggested that the two most important times of each day for couples are the first four minutes both partners are awake and the first four minutes they are both home in the evening. Dr. Linda Duncan, Professor and Director of the Professional Counseling Program at Tarleton State University added the idea of the morning “goodbye” and the evening “good night”.

One of our colleagues, Dr Gary Brainerd – http://www.relationship-help.com/ – created the following form for couples to fill in which involves couples interviewing each other to discover what are the Words, Touch and Behaviours they would like at the 4 critical moments in the day. Essentially in this process couples are identifying the “♥LOVE Language” of each partner and creating a doable relationship-strengthening process. It takes just a few minutes, it is something anyone can do and it will indeed pay big dividends in terms of your relationship. Gary has also developed a handout that goes through in detail the sort of options that one could fill in for The Four Critical Moments Exercise giving examples of Words, Touch and Behaviours.

PLEASE NOTE: if you would like a copy of Interview Handout leave a request in  the Comments below.

Emotional Bank Account

I suggest you think of ten minutes a day as a beginning and a minimal amount of time needed for ♥LOVE and intimacy to grow. Think about the time you spend together like deposits in each others Emotional Bank Accounts. Obviously the more you deposit the richer your ♥LOVE and life will be.

Research proves that 90% of your HAPPINESS OR MISERY is dependent on your primary ♥LOVE relationship.  It seems so strange to me then that people don’t invest in learning how to do this well. Spending just a minimum of 10 minutes of each day of quality time nurturing & strengthening your ♥LOVE for your partner and your primary relationship is a must!!!!.

TEN DAILY FOCUS MINUTES: Making Relationships/Marriage Work

A.     Four Minute GOOD MORNING Time 

B.     One Minute GOODBYE

C.     Four Minute “RE-CONNECTING” Time

D.     One Minute GOOD NIGHT 

For those of you doing the 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign and focusing your ♥LOVE-ing on your partner this is a great way to make deposits in their Emotional Bank Accounts. You might also like to adopt the FOUR CRITICAL MOMENTS as a structure for when you do your ♥LOVE-ing actions. 

Enjoy exploring and discovering and indulging and growing, ♥LOVE and Gratitude, Susie.