Thursday 24th March 2011
It’s so nice to have a few hours to sleep in late and to just go for a wander downstairs and to dawdle and to relax…..and to nap some more especially after the pace I was going at before we left home……There was so much to do…..what a blessing to have my lovely daughter Freea come up and help me with the huge amount of tasks there were to get through to organize what needed doing in the house before we left as well as to pack…..she was literally getting me out the door and then driving us to the airport to wave us off……
We spend most of today catching up on sleep and we’re still not feeling 100% with our colds still niggling us and now as well with some jet lag added in…..
Presentation on the ENERGIES OF LOVE AND THE FOUR SENSORY SYSTEMS
In the evening we attended a presentation by Donna Eden and her psychologist husband David Feinstein on the topic of “The Energies of Love”.
“…….A relationship begins with the meeting of two very different energies. They come together and merge into a new energy field that has literally never before existed on the planet. And you are left to your own devices to figure out how to make it work. Meanwhile, this union of energies determines the way you communicate, the way you fight, the way you love, and the way you want to be loved. Even deeper than the psychology of yourself or your partner, RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT ENERGY!!!.……..”
They focus on 4 sensory-energy systems as a way for understanding relationships because it is through our senses and the way that we process sensory information that the space between two people is experienced and defined moment by moment. In essence this model comes from the perspective that people experience the world in very different ways: Visual, Hearing, Feeling and Thinking.
It is important for us to not only understand relationships but also how we and the other experience and relate to the world. When we go into stress/conflict all but our major sensory system checks out and we meet our partner/the other with our survival mode which is there to protect us first and NOT to connect to the other or to have empathy for them. This work is appropriate for all relationships: couples, friends, parent/child, boss/employee. They presented a framework for understanding what happens when your sensory style meets another’s.
The 4 sensory systems lead to 4 styles for meeting stress:
- THE VISUAL STYLE
- THE TONAL STYLE
- THE KINESTHETIC STYLE
- THE DIGITAL STYLE
What really attracted my attention was that they look at the different energies people go to predominantly when they are stressed/in conflict. They say when you are in conflict – love understanding and compassion are NOT enough – we need to understand the energies or Style of each individual – which they see as either visual, tonal, kinaesthetic or digital (thinking). Then we actually have to choose to behave in a way that is counter instinctual.
Under Relationship Stress, in brief summary:
THE VISUAL STYLE loses perspective and only sees their point of view/reality. They passionately hold their own vision or perspective and have a strength for painting a compelling picture of how things are.
THE TONAL STYLE hears what was never said nor meant but is picking up the ‘vibes’ which they often misinterpret. They can attribute inaccurate meanings to nuance/tone as well as inaccurately hearing ‘between the lines’. Under stress they do not hear your exact words but pick up on ‘vibes’, both yours and those of a personal internal drama which leads them to their own assumptions.
THE KINESTHETIC STYLE is overwhelmed by feelings and lives in the present moment of their feelings. They trust their own feelings more than your logic. They can’t think clearly or function well when accused, hurried or pressured for an answer, or drowned in another’s words, needs or truths.
THE DIGITAL STYLE’s responses are that they use logic and reason no matter how much you want a feeling response. They act from the assumption that they are completely right and their partner’s perceptions, feelings, and conclusions are irrelevant. Don’t expect a feeling response to an emotional issue is key. Stay calm, cool and collected in relation to them.
Question for you: What style do you think you predominantly move into when under stress or in conflict♥ What has impacted you most reading about the different styles♥
Much detail was given about the characteristics and ‘modus operandus’ of each sensory style which was very illuminating. People have a primary and familiar sensory style and as well can have a secondary one. We were all energy tested to discover what our primary sensory style was as well as taught how to do the energy test. The testing showed that my predominant sensory style is tonal and my secondary is visual which surprised me and Shelton’s is tonal and kinesthetic!! No wonder we are so sensitive to each other’s tones. We decide we need to study and explore it more to discover and understand more: O)
They teach that it is hard to connect/talk when we are under stress or in conflict and we are in our primary sensory style because they are not psychological responses but are automatic physiological responses. What was helpful and new was they teach energy techniques to use at the point of conflict which can change your responses straight away as they are at the physiological level. It’s not something that talking can do. I’m looking forward to learning more and putting it into practice and doing some experiments with it and then when we are more acquainted and familiar with it we will share more and eventually add it to our teaching.
David then taught us a method or, as he called it, A PACT for managing conflict using energy medicine methods. It is a 4 step process of:
- Centre your Energies, Centre your Mind
- Reconnect Energetically
- Reconnect Emphatically
Each step has quite clear and specific instructions on what to do and I could see it very beautifully adding another dimension to our relationship as well as to our work with teaching about relationships and connection.
They are at present writing a book on this area which I look forward to. For those of you who want to explore this further at this time the best reference at this stage is:
Energies of Love DVD with Donna Eden and David Feinstein, Ph.D. –
As well you might want to check out The Promise of Energy Psychology by David Feinstein, Ph.D., Donna Eden & Gary Craig.
We decide to go off to bed straight after as we have to be up early tomorrow to pack up everything to be ready for our first 4 hour class in the morning here at the hotel and then straight away a coach will take us to the dock to board the ship at 12.30pm….
We missed those of you we didn’t get to see before we left and for those that we did thanks for all your help and support…Take care and be well and have fun and hope life is going good for all……. Much Loves Susie xx