LOVE TIP – Saturday June 23rd, 2012

Hello dear Friends

”When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive
– to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.’ ~ Marcus Aurelius

My brother Malcolm, two and a half years younger than me at 59, died at 5am this morning.

This is a brother who kept very much to himself. A very private man.
Who learned to protect by staying silent.
Who learned to stay safe by disappearing inside.
By being very selective and opening his heart to the few that he gave ‘the password’ to….
I give thanks for and honour his life, for the paths he has walked, the choices he’s made.
For the life he chose….this man who was a brother, son, cousin, husband, son-in-law, father, father-in-law, step-father, uncle, grandfather, friend, mate, work colleague, neighbour……….and so much more…….

I wanted to share how I am doing. I have felt your support and Love.
I am grate-full for your caring and kind prayers and blessings.

Right now, these words are what’s in me….

Where did you go♥
Where are you now
What’s it all about♥
Why are we here
Questions with no answers
Thoughts with no response
I’m sitting here pondering,
sitting here wondering.
I just don’t get how you can be so alive
be breathing, be flesh, be soft, be warm,
then so dead, so silent, so un-alive.
So deadly still, so hard, so cold,
like a statue, so lifeless, so un-moving
Yet I wonder how can this stillness, this quietness 
roar so loud♥
I can’t make meaning of it, of you being dead
I can’t make meaning of us being alive
I can’t make meaning of who is now lying in the bed
I can’t make meaning of me trying to decide

No amount of teaching and messages wake us up like personal experience.

I was sitting with Malcolm late last night, he sedated and unconscious labouring with each breath, us told there would not be many more till it would be his last breath…….. and I was thinking about recently reading of the tribe where the pregnant women go out and listen for the song of their unborn child which they go back and teach to the tribe….which is then sung at their birth, and their marriage, and all other significant times in the person’s life up till the time it is sung when they are dying…….and I was reflecting on what is Malcolm’s song…..What came to me is  What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong….. which I sang to him over and over and will now remember him by………I love the idea of people being sung to as they die…….


 Wake up before you get a wake-up call is ‘the lesson of the day’.


boy, son, brother 

young man



grandfather –‘Poppy’

The words below are part of a poem I wrote back in 2001 which  was 22 months after the death of my last partner Russ and 7 months into my relationship with Shelton…. 

Asking myself a thousand times     
Why did he have to die♥
Why do we all have to die♥
Why do good things have to end♥
How can I love so deeply
without breaking my heart♥
Is it possible, or is it just being human,
being delicate and fragile and tender♥
I wish I had answers,
could help us to understand.
Yet all I keep coming to is to love
more deeply, more sweetly, more truly
not wasting a moment finding
more ways to offer your heart,
more ways to open your soul.
Let’s walk the tightrope of living and dying
experiencing the deep loving and losing.
Perhaps in embracing full living and loving
we’ll give new meaning to
all of our Beloveds who’ve died.

Wondering and pondering, with LOVE from a perplexed and questioning and inquiring and ‘thrown’ Susie who is also feeling peace-full ♥