♥LOVE is a decision, ♥LOVE is a verb....

♥ DAILY LOVE TIP – Tuesday August 16, 2011

Remember when you fell in ♥LOVE…it was like all your dreams had come true. Like you imagined it would last forever. Yet with our approx 50% divorce rate statistics and about 60% of men and 40% of women having affairs we are not experiencing this. Yet ♥LOVE can last forever if you have the ♥TOOLS and know what ♥LOVE is all about!!

♥LOVE is a DECISION. It is not just a feeling.

It is a decision we make and we make it every day, every minute,
in the way that we behave with one another.

“♥LOVE is a verb”, says motivational and management specialist Stephen Covey. When asked at one of his seminars by a participant: what do you do when you don’t love your wife anymore?

He answered: “Go home and love her” And the guy said…but I just told you I don’t love her anymore. He replied. “Love is a verb.” It is something that YOU DO. You have the power to change your partner’s day into a nightmare or into a day of joy and pleasure.

The KEY is to find out what your partner needs, what says, “I ♥LOVE you” or what feels positive to your partner and give it as a gift. Learn how to love your partner in the way they want to be loved. We often don’t realize how our actions and sometimes just our very presence is important to others. We don’t realize the IMPACT we have – of who we are and what we do.

And did you also know that within all your negativity – criticisms, arguments, frustrations and conflicts are the seeds and potential for deep change, growth and healing for both of you? Your greatest growth and life changes will come from S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G into doing the very things that your partner criticises you for – those things that will make your partner feel loved and cared for that you continually reject.

What does your partner ask you to do that is important to them that you don’t do very well? It might be listening, or talking, or spending time doing things together, or feeling, or touching, or cuddling, or making love, ………..or a million and one things. This, believe it or not is your greatest G-R-O-W-T-H edge and opportunity for you to grow into being more of who you truly are.

Our behaviours often don’t get our needs met. But we keep repeating these same behaviours over and over, hoping that somehow they will result in our life changing for the better…….and getting the love we want…… A favourite quote of mine from “Keeping The Love You Find” by Dr Harville Hendrix is: ………..

“In order for change to occur, insight must be translated into action…. CHANGE “demands clear intention, sustained attention, and the conscientious day-by-day practice of new skills and unfamiliar, uncomfortable behaviours”.

There’s so much in that quote – I learnt it off by heart and say it regularly to remind myself of the aspects that are part of the CHANGE process –

Insight/awareness must be translated into action –

The ACTIONS I take create the RESULTS I get

have clear intention/goals,

sustained attention, and

conscientious day-by-day practice, practice, practice, practice,…..

– PRACTICE MAKES PROGRESS –

of new skills and ♥TOOLS

and unfamiliar, uncomfortable behaviours.

It sounds so simple and yet it’s so hard to change our behaviour… in fact you will most likely feel awkward and uneasy, maybe even self-conscious and embarrassed and it won’t feel like being you!! If it is easy to do then it isn’t change.

So remember to be kind to yourself as CHANGE takes time and practice, practice, practice, practice. And it is good to start with baby steps and give yourself “L” plates.

Remember the Chinese proverb:

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”~ Confucius

Question for you: what is one behaviour that your partner/or a significant other asks you to do that you continually reject that you would be willing to come up with a micro-MOVE-ment action that you will experiment with doing a minimum of once a day for the next week?