ways for men and women to ♥connect with each other

by susiesheartpathblog on August 27, 2011

 DAILY LOVE TIP – Saturday August 27, 2011

Hello lovely Ones,

Hope you're having a great weekend........ Just dropping by and checking in and saying a warm Hello to you ........We are once again privileged to be teaching a very lively and enthusiastic group of people who are participating in the Keeping The Love You Find Workshop which we are presenting in Mundaring in the Hills on the outskirts of Perth Western Australia; one of our Home towns.....always a pleasure to be teaching this transformational work and over such a beautiful early Spring weekend....lots of opportunity for people to sit out in the gardens amongst the flowers and warm sunshine and do the work...

......Lots of ah-ha's and openings into people's unconscious storehouse of old beliefs about relationships and themselves and the way the world will relate to them and treat them.....learning SKILLS and TOOLS and doing processes that often uncover and unlock the strategies they have been using to protect and hide the deeper vulnerability and unmet needs....... being surprised and stunned somewhat as they discover some of the beliefs they have been running their lives out of........but now being able to make sense of why the destructive patterns have been repeating in their lives...

In this work we say we trade in the magnifying glass for the mirror....putting the focus on looking at ourselves and our behaviours replacing the all too often finger-pointing out

It's great to have a number of different ♥TOOLS in our CommunicationTOOLBOX so that we can create some variety in our interactions and our ♥LOVE-ing with our partners. In line with the ♥FuN theme of yesterday here's some information about a neat way to remember what are the best ways for a man to ♥LOVE a woman and for a woman to ♥LOVE her man.

It's called ROCKSTAR and it comes from the work of two of our favourite colleagues and authors Dr. Patricia Love and Dr. Steven Stosny from the powerful book they co-authored about what brings men and women closer and what tears relationships apart -

 “How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Love Beyond Words.”
by Dr. Patricia Love and Dr. Steven Stosny 

 The paperback version selling in Australia is titled
Why Women Talk and Men Walk

 

 

 

 

 

  

ROCKSTAR 

 

Ways for MEN to connect to A WOMAN – ROCK

R

Routinely connect with her

O

Open your heart to her

C

Contact, contact, contact

K

Keep it positive

Ways for WOMEN to connect to A MAN - STAR

S

Sex

T

Touch, touch, touch

A

Accept that you give meaning to his life

R

Respect his Routine

Ways for MEN to connect to A WOMAN – ROCK

R - ROUTINE -LY connect with her – brush my teeth, kiss my partner, turn on my computer, send her a loving email. Associate a loving act with an aspect of your routine

O - OPEN your heart to her – if you can’t talk - put a rose on her pillow, leave a note, etc

C – CONTACT, CONTACT, CONTACT – Women don’t like being left alone, not having attention paid to them

K - KEEP it Positive – men don’t usually understand what an impact their negativity has on a woman. A man’s angry voice can trigger her fear response and dump cortisol, the stress hormone, into her body. Women need to feel safe and relaxed, secure and protected.

Ways for Women to connect to A MAN - STAR

 S - SEX – bonding chemical – oxytocin released at orgasm. Oxytocin – is the connecting “cuddle” chemical.

T – TOUCH, TOUCH, TOUCH - Men need 2-3 times more touching as woman to build up the levels of oxytocin. Many men are touch deprived.

A – ACCEPT that you give meaning to his life. Women as a group don’t understand that they give meaning to his life – statistics are very high for this. When women are unhappy about anything - men hear it as somehow they have failed. Men have signed on to protect and provide. Men really like to succeed – let him know what you want him TO DO - not what you DON'T want! Let him know how he can help you. Behind every complaint, criticism, etc is a DESIRE. Appeal to the provider and protector.

R - ROUTINE - Respect his Routine – men love routine – His routine helps him to feel connected to you. Activities – DO something – watching TV together is an activity for him. You cooking and him reading the paper is an activity for a man – doing a joint passion is great – anything that is a bit challenging for you both and you really want to do it…eg: ballroom dancing. Even higher reward if the task is energising and challenging. His brain will move away from negatives towards positives

MIRRORING TOPIC: Share with someone what you think of the ROCKSTAR format above. If you are in a partner relationship share and MIRROR each other for a minimum of 5 minutes about what ROCKSTAR means to each of you and check out with them if they would be willing to experiment with using this for a minimum of 2 weeks.....

Todays’ Addition to my list of My ♥favourite things….."How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" - love this book - I highly recommend it - my copy has so much yellow highlighting and yellow sticky notes in it - it seemed like pretty well everything in the book stood out!! I will be doing a review of its main points in a future post as it has so many gems in it!

Sending big warm wishes for much LOVE-ing, Susie

and don't forget the  START DATE: Thursday 1st SEPTEMBER 2011 for the next 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign - 

Who are you choosing to focus  your beautiful LOVE-ing on for the 30 DAYS♥

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Comments

Vivienne says:

Dear Susie, Thank you again for your beautiful, inspiring energy filled post. Checking in after not being anywhere in the cyber world for a while (except work). When your page comes up I get goose bumps just like I did when I was a child waiting for the colours to appear after adding water to those magic paintings (definitely one of my favourite things as a child). I love the colours and your beautiful smile, and you with gorgeus Shelton and the knowingness that soul treats await me….

My favourite part of this post is “Men really like to succeed – let him know what you want him TO DO – not what you DON’T want!” Yes too often I fall into the “whinge” category. Also the business about routine. Andrew responds very very well to routine, and as a routine anarchist I am learning to embrace the efficiency of routine. Much love and keep shining, Vivienne

Kelly says:

Hi Susie, another GREAT post! I love the Rock and Star… So easy to remember! I’m reading this great book at the moment for uni which I think you’d love… It’s called Getting Real by Susan Campbell. Xxxxxxxx

Those are perfect acronyms for not only the information given, but as well as for remembering ways to connect with her/him!

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