♥LOVE NOTE – Monday September 22nd, 2014

9 months [36 weeks] Post Fire.
OK, OK, time for me to be really. really. really. REAL.

I am over sharing my 5 Things I Am Grateful For each day on the 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign Facebook page! Gosh I’ve been doing it every night since June 1st – that’s nearly 4 whole months and my brain is still NOT re-wired and neurologically revamped and refurbished so that I’m able to be happy!!

Nope, I didn’t get that right! Lots of parts of the world still look the same way! A failure at happiness rewiring 101!!

I’m over looking for the positive. Over being  a ♡LOVE-Finder. Over presenting my confident, strong Superwomen part who can bend steel in her bare hands, jump buildings with a single pounce, do cartwheels and back flips whilst fighting a never-ending battle for peace, justice, ♡LOVE and Zero Negativity……

My QUEEN R-A-N-T part needs to write the post tonight as I am feeling so l-o-w that I just want to go to bed and never. ever.  get up.

I am over having to choose between this hot water system or that one, or this one or that one!! And multiply it times what feels like a h-u-n-d-r-e-d different types! Do you know how many frigging ways there are to have a hot water system and types and makes of?
Too many!
W-a-y too many for me to choose one and feel like I am going to be GETTING IT RIGHT and the next person who walks in is NOT going to tell me I’M GETTING IT WRONG and the problems with the choice I have made and why didn’t I think of______________!!!.

And how should I know anyway????  I DON’T KNOW! I am just a bloody therapist, not a house builder or an architect or a designer or a carpenter or a plumber or an electrician or a cabinet maker or a solar hot water company rep selling the range of systems they stock and it could go on forever. and ever. and ever. about WHAT I AM NOT . and what I am not skilled in!! I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!

I am well and truly o-v-e-r hot water systems and troughs and sinks and benches and taps and walls and doors and handles and floors and tiles and knocking out this wall and replacing these doors and windows and where to put these taps and pipes and waste and what cupboards and benches to build and where and trying to imagine fitting furniture and appliances into spaces that are too small and that are makeshift that people have generously donated to us and I’m over not knowing how much to spend “as you don’t know whether you want to live there anyway!!”

Or looking at homes to buy on the internet and then traipsing around Home Opens or ringing agents to show us properties and houses. But then I don’t even know where I want to live let alone in what kind of house and for what reasons, do I? Don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life? Don’t know where I want to do it!

And I am over having bits and pieces of paper and brochures everywhere with notes about this that and everything littering and piling up so high that I can’t find what I am looking for when I need something anyway that I am almost daydreaming about another bushfire coming and just burning all the bloody lot up and then I can just GIVE UP and GIVE IN and go and lie on a beach or in a hammock somewhere and it be legitimate for me to just be a tragic traumatised has-been for the rest of my meaningless life.

And I am sad and it is gloomy and miserable that I don’t have a father or a mother or a big brother or a little brother or a big friend or a little friend who I can turn to who knows what to do, and can help, and does help, and who is there for me and just swoops in like a good fairy or Superman or Superwoman or Wonderwoman and knows what to do and does it.

Phew!!

I thought if I let the Queen R-A-N-T part write and express her way of seeing things then I would feel better and then I would be able to get on with things. But I was wrong, it hasn’t. Yet I guess I’ve done one thing in that I’ve allowed myself to be a BIG MESS. Correction – BEAUTIFUL MESS   and I’ve been real and open about it……………………even though I’m S-Q-U-I-R-M-I-N-G thinking of the judgments that people can make……

Admittedly I am not as low and gloomy and cheerless and a bit of my frontal lobes have come back on board BUT I. still. don’t. know. how. to make a lot of the choices that I need to make…… and it is tiresome and energy sapping to daily be facing choice after choice that I don’t really know enough about…….

And it is tiresome and energy sapping to daily have to put that positive face forward; to stride chest-forward chanting in my head “I CAN DO IT” when really being able to do most of the above is in the league of riding naked and bare-back on a sleek Black Beauty type stallion galloping across the moors, or hang diving off the highest craggy cliff or swimming with sharks or lying in a Perspex case with scorpions crawling all over me [like the woman on TV did tonight], none of which I did when I was 16 let alone now in my 60’s.

So be it!……

I am grateful for you being a super-power [well you read this far - that deserves a lot of credit in my book] and indulging me…… Let’s see what tomorrow brings and back to my mantra –

One day at a time!!!

LOVE from a tired Susie♥

♡♡DAY 265 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign – WOOHOO only 100 more DAYS TO GO!!!

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About susiesheartpathblog

My wish with Susies♥HeartpathBlog is to connect and relate to you from my heart and soul and mind to your heart and soul and mind …..whilst sharing information and Resources about ♡LOVE-ing and Relationships and FULL exuberant ALIVENESS★

My intention is to provide a space where you can engage with me and with the community of those who are ‘walking’ the ♥HEART PATH of conscious relationships…..

- people who daily make choices and actions about becoming and being more ♡LOVE-ing…….

- people who care that their partners and families and friends and the wider community feel ♡LOVE-d and ♡LOVE-able…people who are curious about and respect and validate the reality of ‘the other’ and who choose to create and live in a Zero Negativity Zone [ZNZ zone]....

I am committed to teaching and sharing practical user-friendly communication ♡TOOLS and Skills and processes that lead to growth and deep healing, connection, ♡LOVE and intimacy.

I am a passionate net-worker and committed to connecting people to the abundance of Resources that are available – I believe much of what we need is out there, yet people don’t often know the Resources are there or if they do, where to find them. I love putting people in touch with opportunities and possibilities….

View all posts by susiesheartpathblog →

This entry was posted in 365 DAY Being-♥LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign, ♥DAILY LOVE TIPS, Warm Fuzzy Hill,ZERO NEGATIVITY ZONE ♥LOVE-ing and tagged 9 months [36 weeks] Post Fire, being really. really. really. REAL.,GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL•*¨*•♫♪♡, happiness rewiring 101!!, I can do it!, One day at a time!, QUEEN R-A-N-T part,strong Superwomen part. Bookmark the permalink. Edit

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 ♥LOVE TIP – Tuesday April 30, 2013.

30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign
Your ♥LOVE-ing Matters...
Your ♥LOVE-ing makes a difference 
much more than you think......

 Hello Friends♥

Very warm Greetings to you from Michigan where we have been for the past week with full-on re-connecting and sharing with many "old" friends as well as meeting many new ones. We are feeling so taken care of...... people's hospitality and generosity always feels like such a huge Gift....I'll be telling many stories about our journeys sooooon, I promise...

Today's post however, is to invite you to join the 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign which starts WEDNESDAY MAY 1st. 

Many of you have joined in the 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaigns that we offer from the Institute for Relationship Development four times each year. It is so gratifying to see these evolving from when I started in June 2011. Changing to our new website has prompted me to review and tidy up the information page and re-post it so that it is as clear as I can make it.

I encourage you to join. The Campaign is a great way to put focused attention for the month to reviewing and practising your Relationship and Communication ♥TOOLS and expanding the Zero Negativity Zone in your life. As I say below, the benefits are unimaginable quantum leaps in opening and growing both yours and your Receiver’s ♥Heart. ........

I so value and admire what ♡Narelle wrote about her experience of participating in the last 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign. Each day she committed to sharing 5 things she was grateful for about her husband ♡Greg which she then posted on the FACEBOOK GROUP PAGE. Here's her comments about her experience and learnings from doing this:

Don't miss this opportunity! .....As ♡Narelle has shown us, committing to giving ♥LOVE daily is an excellent way to become more ♥LOVE-ing as well as feeling so gooooooood! Every micro-MOVE-ment of expanding your ♥LOVE matters!

Here's the SIMPLE STEPS of WHAT TO DO:

The 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign
is about choosing either:

♥  someone who is important to you that you want to give some quality time and ♥LOVE-ing attention to
♥  someone you haven't been taking time to nurture your relationship with and yet you would like to
be closer to them and to get to know them better.....OR
♥ someone where your relationship is strained, or there’s stress and tension or conflict or maybe even
disconnection and healing is needed....OR
♥ someone who is going through a challenging time at the moment who needs some extra support and caring -   could be someone who is sick, a new Mum or new parents, someone being a carer for someone else, an elderly person, someone starting something new….the choices are endless…
♥ or you can also request for someone to focus their ♥LOVE on you

THIS CAMPAIGN DATES: 1st MAY  - 30th  MAY 2013. 

DURATION TIME: 30 days - such a short time to create more ♥LOVE in your life and the world!

SPECIAL FOCUS FOR MAY:
Our suggestion for the MAY 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign is ♥MOTHERS 

......or Mum, Mom, Mummy, Mama and all the names you call her……..

It could be your own mother, grandmothers, mother-in-law, step mother, foster mother, a mother(s) that you admire or anyone else who has had an important impact on shaping your life with their mothering - like sisters, aunties, neighbours..........
or you could focus on your own mothering qualities……

NOTE: You can also choose to do the Campaign for anyone - not just focusing on mothers. Choose from any of the options above.....

'Mothers' have such a tremendous impact on our lives we know that taking some dedicated time to put your attention and focus on this area of life will reap wide benefits – both yours and the women you focus on.
It ties in well with the celebration of MOTHERS DAY occurring in many parts of the world on the second Sunday in May.

We have had this focus before but consider there are so many people who influence us with their 'mothering' energy it is worth choosing this focus over and over......even if it is the same woman you choose.

DAILY ACTION:  Some people have requested a specific action to do each day so we will be offering these in our daily emails with a ♥LOVE Dare/Challenge ...

Ramona's 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign for June 2011 inspired us with the touching and wonderful Art Journal project she did which resulted in her re-framing her relationship with her mother who is deceased:-

She commented on ♥Susiesheartpathblog - May 23, 2011:
“This project is (was) just the motivation that I needed to stop denying my long -neglected relationship with my mother and do something about it. I would not have known exactly what “it” was until you came up with this project!
Sure, my dreams have been haunting me for a long time to ‘do something’ about it, but what was I to do? Now, with your inspiring momentum, I know exactly what to do, and how to get going…..”

COST: FREE★ You simply choose how much time and effort you want to daily spend with a reminder the ACTIONS you take create the RESULTS you get!

WHAT TO DO - YOUR ACTION PLAN:
A FEW SIMPLE STEPS

1) Choose WHO you will focus on for the 30 Days

2) In the COMMENTS at end of this page put:
a. WHO you are choosing
b. WHAT you will be doing for the 30 Days - your ACTIONS
c. WHERE you are from - your LOCATION - so we can see and feel the link-up around the world.

3) We recommend putting the ACTIONS you will be doing in the ♥SMART P format –
S-pecific,
M-easurable,
A-chievable,
R-elevant & R-elated
T-ime frame - set yourself a time limit for each day,
Positive - Eg: putting it is the positive - Once a day I am doing _____________♥LOVE-ing action for __________ instead of describing it by saying I won't______________eg: neglect or ignore my friend......etc...

4) For those on Facebook go to our Institute for Relationship Development 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign page. CLICK on I’M GOING at the top of this page near the heading so we have the pics of the group….it is great to be able to see you all....

5) You will then be added to our private 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign FACEBOOK GROUP PAGE.
On this page we will be posting Daily ♥Tips and ♥TOOLS in relation to the 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign.
We encourage you to regularly visit and ‘mingle’ and interact with this wonderful group……it's great to post progress reports, inspiring bits and pieces, celebrating yourself, requests for help and support & encouragement……just saying Helloooooooo……. both on the Facebook Group page and on this page.

STUCK FOR IDEAS ON WHAT TO DO? -  I suggest you read what I wrote in my blog on Sunday 15th May 2011 about what I chose to do in relation to my sisters for the June 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign.

BENEFITS: unimaginable quantum leaps in opening and growing both yours and your Receiver’s ♥Heart. Committing to giving ♥LOVE daily is an excellent way to become more ♥LOVE-ing.

WHO SHOULD PARTICIPATE: All Welcome! - This is for YOU - if you are interested in achieving more happiness and ♥LOVE-ing in your life and in the lives of people you care about.

NOTE: It is OK for people to jump in AT ANY TIME and come on board throughout the month.

SUPPORT: There will be regular Daily ♥Tips and STORIES and ♥TOOLS and ENERGIZER BUDDIES (as I call them) to keep you on track and encouraging you

ENERGIZER BUDDIES

throughout the 30 Day Being-♥LOVE . Updates will be regularly posted to help you with challenges as well as reminders to celebrate along the way.

It is so valuable and energising to find a 'community' of like-minded people on this journey of creating a more ♥LOVE-ing world and participate in a project like this with them......people who inspire you, challenge you, validate you, support you and care about you…..Imagine yourself as part of such a community……

I am so grateful that with today's technology we have the ability to create a virtual community so that we can connect over vast distances.

Absolutely know that there is very little for you to do
to choose to participate.......

CHOOSE THE PERSON RIGHT NOW you will give your attention to.

Take just 5 minutes to write what you will do for them and you have started!!

Know that your caring about and ♥LOVE-ing others makes a difference...and we all have enough time to be more ♥LOVE-ing and to grow our ability to do so as well as strengthening our ♥LOVE-ing muscles!.......

With Gratitude and LOVE, Susie♥

SAY YES! and REGISTER NOW.

PAY IT FORWARD

Spread the word to help ♥LOVE grow!
Your ♥LOVE-ing MATTERS! 
Your ♥LOVE-ing MAKES A DIFFERENCE
much more than you think......!

 __________________________________

“The soul grows well when giving and receiving Love.
Love is after all, a verb, an action word, not a noun.” ~ Joan Borysenko

“We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make, which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot see.” ~ Marian Wright Edelman.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" ~ Moulin Rouge & originally from ‘Nature Boy’ sung by Nat King Cole & written by Eden Ahbez.

Ken Keyes, Jr. ~ “A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world; everyone you meet is your mirror”

 “Little things bring big changes……” ~ Dr John Gray

"Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius." ~ Mozart

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♥LOVE TIP – Wednesday April 17, 2013

My dear Friends♥

I imagine you may have been wondering where I've been for so long as the last post I wrote here was January 19th - 3 months ago!! Well it is a B---I---G and L---O---N---G story!....... The short condensed version is I have been a little L-O-S-T when it comes to my blog!

Some explaining information is:

1. A few months ago we created a new website - www.LoveLifeRelationships.com - with the intention of shifting ♥Susiesheartpathblog to a new home there. And move it we did.........Problems and more problems and I haven't had the technical knowledge to work out what to do about them! Biggest two were IT DIDN'T SHIFT ♡YOU over with it - YOU my loyal readers/subscribers with the facility for my posts to be emailed to you when I published them - and some other features I like in 'being housed' here.

I guess 'all-in-all' looking back, for quite a few reasons it just didn't feel like ♡Home - and now as I am reflecting I am noticing what I have been doing is ignoring it [the blog] and my energy got side-tracked and focused on so many other parts of business and life that daily compete for my attention. Days rolled into weeks, weeks rolled into months.....you know how it goes....

Yet I have been missing writing and connecting....... And I am so amazed at learning yet again how extremely important HABITS are and how subtle the old wiring pops back in place when we stop doing a new behaviour/action - how almost invisibly it is that we slip out of the new practices we have established........how our practices and 'automatic' actions and our new "muscles" we have built up just fade over time and we revert to what is familiar and automatic - Oh NO!.....In a word how much of a S-T-R-E-T-C-H change is!

I'm re-posting one of my favourite quotes of the wonderful ♡Bryant McGill of Simple Reminders ~

"Life is a Practice. You are what you do each day"
........I cannot underline or emphasize this enough!

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit” ~ Aristotle.

I will return to explore this topic of changing HABITS in future posts as changing our brain and our life is of highest importance to me personally and in regard to my teaching. DAILY PRACTICE is the non-negotiable bottom line! We have to stop doing the things that get us the results we don’t want and replace them with new behaviours/actions and PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE  over and over and over……and over.....

What has also 'poked', stirred and motivated me into action and showing up here again is that I have signed up for a 6 week [daily] Blogging Course called Build a Blog You truly Love with the inimitable ♡Liv Lane. Now I highly recommend ♡Liv's work having done a number of courses with her [including doing this one before] so I suggest checking out her work. Some of the things that particularly attract my attention and pull me to her work is that she describes herself as "a human sparkler who illuminates your awesomeness" and she does just that with her "soul-stirring, blog-boosting, e-course to help you shine online".....For the non-bloggers [and bloggers, of course] ♡Liv also has some very beautiful and creative and "meaningful cards + gifts to light up your life" you can check out here.

Yes I have been disillusioned and let-down that my blog didn't attract thousands and become an overnight success - or at least over-year success!!.......and I didn't become a beacon of light in the world for hordes and their relationships and changing their lives...... and I wasn't 'snapped up' by a highly prestigious magazine or signed up for a book........... or an e-book even ......and thinking about it no-one even asked for my autograph after writing 258 posts!!!! ..........

Yet I am putting all that behind me with ♡Liv's promise of breathing new life into my blog and emulating her lead I will become  "a human sparkler who illuminates your awesomeness" ....................

By the way, ♡Liv's gift of 'sparkling' and 'illuminating' she offers reminds me of the very most A-M-A-Z-I-N-E-S-T presentation we attended at the Business Blueprint conference  in January that truly I-N-S-P-I-R-E-D me so much I was in tears at the end of it.....it was by the equally inimitable and MOST delightful 'spirit-igniting' ♡Amanda Gore .....For a taster of her work called The Joy Project check out her Facebook page and as well search the stacks of her great videos on YouTube .

WoW!..... what a woman - what wisdom!.....Pretty well everything she said was an 'arrow' of ♡DELIGHT and pure ♡JOY straight into my heart and soul...into my very core......Have you ever had that experience where everything someone is teaching you is so right and resonating?..............It was life changing for me.....all the stuff we teach done with such mastery - playfulness, LAUGH-OUT-LOUD laughter, simply hilarious and TOTALLY full of facts and wisdom.

♡Amanda's work is a topic for another post another time! Gee I'm noticing all the remarkable and amazing experiences I have that I don't get to write about if I'm not writing my blog!! How wonderful!

Just want to mention that I did write two posts in February - February 3rd and February 12th that are 'housed' here at http://www.LoveLifeRelationships.com/blog/

I am sad to report that I discovered last night going back over my blog that March 2013 has been the only month since February 2011 when I began that I haven't written a post. My promise to myself is that I won't let that happen again.

I choose ♥Susiesheartpathblog to be a Spirit Igniter and Awesomeness Illuminator!!......that is, along with writing about ♥LOVE and relationships and creating a  ♥ZNZ [Zero Negativity Zone] and the ♥Tools and resources to assist you to live the life you want.

Question for you: How have you noticed it has been for you to not receive my blog posts? And/or - Are there new habits you have let lapse?

♥MIRRORING PRACTICE: Share about this with another and have them ♥MIRROR you for a minimum of 5 minutes and then swap, or write about it in your journal.

Here's to a whole new blog journey before us......my wish is that you are excited about travelling this new path with me and the ♥Susiesheartpathblog community and it ignites your spirit and soul........I do appreciate your support and you regularly popping in and visiting here.....For now my intention is to post here and when we sort out 'the glitches' will make the big move.

With much JOY and Gratitude, ♥LOVE and blessings, Susie♥

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♥LOVE TIP – Tuesday February 12, 2013

Hello dear Ones♡

Did you see or get a chance to do the DAY 4 ♥LOVE Dare/Challenge  of the 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign!

It was:

Wake up to the day as if it was 'the first time' you were alone with your partner. Greet him/her enthusiastically...... Just look lovingly at him/her for a few moments....... Ask about them and their day and just listen. Your task is to let them know you understand and can validate them....that you 'get them' - even if you disagree....

As well, I suggest you do a variation of this great Exercise with other people who are important to you sometime soon......

And hey, don’t leave Yourself out of this - I invite you to do this for  ♡YOU too - look ♡LOVE-ingly and adoringly at yourself in a mirror for a few moments.

Do you know that saying –

"their eyes lit up when she walked in the room"......

It really touches me deeply inside just thinking about the sort of ♡LOVE that makes someone do that.... that’s seeing via their heart and soul.....

Well your job is to imagine looking through those sort of eyes as you are looking at yourself. Feel it physically inside yourself – feel your whole being fill up as your eyes light up looking at yourself.... See yourself with ‘new eyes’.....♡

TIP - if you can’t do it using your own eyes imagine looking through the eyes of someone who ♡LOVES you.

 "May you see your innocence in my eyes." ~ Marianne Williamson

 ______________________________

How lonely it must be
searching for happiness,
unaware of the beauty you possess,
never realizing how much warmth
you really give.
If I could,
I would show you
how you are
through my eyes.
Then you could see
how important you are.
My world is happy
because of you.

George Betts ~ from Visions of You♡

  ______________________________

Be in ♡LOVE with YOURSELF - connect with your preciousness.  Focus on all of the SPECIAL things about YOU.  Radiate ♡LOVE to yourself - both the ♡Adult You and the ♡Child You. Be tender.

YOU ARE worthy of and deserve your ♡LOVE, admiration and adoration.

Notice if there is a S-Q-U-I-R-M even thinking about doing this as well as when you actually do it....Notice the stories you tell yourself ...Your SIMU's......

Be really honest about what you hear yourself saying to yourself - what would you think and feel if someone else talked to you the way you talk to yourself?.......... Would they feel like they were a good friend?................ Would you choose to be around them?

A really important fact is - the more you are truly ♡LOVE-ing to yourself the more you will attract ♡LOVE whether you are partnered or not. Do you want a soul-mate? Be a soul-mate!

Think about a time when you were caring and nurturing to yourself – maybe it’s going to the hairdresser or the gym or for a run or your favourite healthy restaurant, or getting yourself a new outfit or a massage.....doing any of the things that make you feel good. Remember how enlivened and energised you felt.

It is so much easier to send your ♡LOVE out ......as well as take it in when others give it to you......when you feel good IN YOURSELF and you are regarding yourself ♡LOVE-ingly. If your ♡LOVE and generosity does not include yourself it is not complete!

 This month, I celebrate my own independence. I choose to be free of all negativity, anger, fear, insecurities, jealousies--and any thought that makes me feel "less than." I no longer choose to live in the prison of my mind. I choose thoughts of love, joy, prosperity, and unlimited creativity and opportunities” ~ Louise L. Hay

So a BIG reminder is that an important piece of your work during this month of ♡LOVE and/or if you are doing your 30 days Being♥LOVE Campaign is being ♡LOVE-ing and gentle and kind to yourself......

"When you are praising, when you are appreciating, when you are acknowledging value, when you are looking for positive aspects, when you are laughing, when you are applauding, when you are joyous, when you are feeling that feeling of appreciation pulsing through you, in those times, there IS NO RESISTANCE within you. You are, in those moments, vibrationally up to speed with who you really are." ~ Abraham-Hicks

 Just a short NOTE to mention that we are in a state of change and MOVE-ment and growth at the moment in that we are creating and building a new website – YaY!! and we are in the process of shifting susies♥heartpathblog there. Shifting house so to speak..... And we are daily discovering steps we still have to do to make it fully operational and smooth so we request your patience and indulgence till we get it so that it is far better than ever before. Thank you.

You are wonderful - You and your ♡LOVE-ing makes a difference. Gratefully Susie♡

‘All that we are is the result of what we have thought’ ~ Buddha

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♥LOVE TIP – Sunday February 3, 2013

Hello Lovelies♡

A very warm HELLO to you!! If you are new to susies♥heartpathblog, I welcome you. If you are already a subscriber then I thank you for remaining interested in the work I do and my writing

I am being reminded yet again:

You know this quote? 'Life' pops in so many times and our plans are 'out the window'!!!.....

And so what is happening? The Internet gremlins are challenging me YET AGAIN..... throwing a big glitch into my finely organized plans!!!...We have had very intermittent Internet and a horrible, scratchy sounding land-line phone connection in our office and home since late last Wednesday night...... And our mobile phone reception is next to non-existent here at the best of times anyway! Our phone and Internet company are saying Monday or Tuesday. I'm visualizing.....but it is Telstra after all! ..... Australians will know what I mean by that! ......[An aside - my apologies to any of you who have been trying to contact me]

It is feeling a bit like being back in the jungles of Bali - haha ........ Apart from being inconvenient for many reasons and interrupting most of our business - Tah Dah!! Drum roll.....FEBRUARY 1st was the beginning of our 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign!

Eeek!! - No Internet!....how to get the word out about the ♥Campaign starting and responding to people's requests and questions...I can tell you it has been quite a challenge and very hard!.....

My modem is behind my computer screen and if I duck down a bit I can see the GREEN ON light or the RED OFF light. So every now and then I duck down to check. And so when I get the GREEN ON light I move quick as I am not sure how long it will stay on for....and I work like crazy until I get cut off again!!

What it's been like is what happened last night. After being RED OFF most of the day it turned GREEN ON about 11.30pm when I checked before I was going to bed after spending the evening watching a movie with my ♡Sweetie - and by the way that was because -

DAY 2  ♥LOVE Dare/Challenge of the 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign: Tell your partner that instead of watching TV tonight (or doing work, or 'fussing with' the kids, etc.), you simply want to be with them and spend time together. An extra special gift is to offer to do whatever they want to do!.....so ♡Shelton's choice was to watch a movie snuggling together on the couch which is what I did with him......

So back to being on the way to bed and checking the Internet..... I ended up 'ignoring' ♡Shelton's calling from the bedroom to come to bed (which fortunately petered out as he drifted off to sleep) .....and madly did as many jobs online as I could fit in until 3am when I just couldn't stay awake any longer!! I must admit I was scared that turning the GREEN ON light OFF was dangerous and maybe I should have kept going until it went off.....!! And unfortunately I was right as here it is now 1.30pm on Monday and it has just come back on!!!..... and we hardly had any GREEN ON all day yesterday!!...AND they are still not able to guarantee when it will be fully fixed.... oh well.....

Big Thank You for indulging me while I have been chattering on about my trials and tribulations and explaining how it's been for me and that I haven't just been loafing around and eating bonbons [that's a FuN description ♡Shelton and I use when we play with who's been doing the most work!!... ] .....It does make it easier knowing that there are people out there who know and understand what's going on and how it is for me...... doesn't it for you?....

OK ♡Folks besides all that I am doing a little happy dance and feeling very grateful because we have been blessed and many, many wonderful people have managed to sign up for our February 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign and such a wave of ♡LOVE and positivity and connection is rippling around the world.  And as well you can STILL  join in the ♥LOVE and FuN.   Even though it is best to start on 1st February it is OK to come on board anytime throughout the month...It would be a privilege to have you participate. You are most welcome. All amounts of ♥LOVE-ing matters. It’s never too late to start...

Quoting a participant from our last Being-♥LOVE Campaign -

Here's what I have set myself  for my 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign for February:

1. I will leave 1 ♥RAAK - ♥Random Act of ♥Art and ♥Kindness……when I am 'out and about' - for what I mean by this check this post 

2. On my Container Days [Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday] I will stay in bed with ♡Shelton for a minimum of 15 minutes each morning cuddling and I will give him 1 of the  and do the ♥LOVE Dare/Challenge as suggested in the daily emails, AND!!!.....

3.  I will write 20 blog posts on my susies♥heartpathblog about ♡LOVE and Relationships throughout February. This does feel like a BIG S-T-R-E-T-C-H for me - but I have been wanting to set myself this task for some time as I have been neglecting you, my loyal readers. And most serendipitously the lovely ♡Michele Bergh emailed an invitation to her Inspired Blog Challenge which is to joyfully commit to creating 20 posts over the 28 day Challenge of February. I joyfully accept, thanks to you ♡Michele as well as the rest of the bloggers participating . Check with♡Michele if it interests you.

A TIP (double under-lining) when choosing a goal for yourself  - my suggestion is to start small and make your tasks S.M.A.R.T. with the emphasis on stating your actions specifically - I have found that stating the specific behaviours/actions that you will be doing makes a big difference…..I find this influences things much more than I ever would have imagined when I do it!! And we teach it is better to under-promise and over-deliver especially if you are doing a new task! People often have problems in this area because they over-promise and under-deliver.

Check out this link for the full info about S.M.A.R.T. actions....

Your Responsibility /Mission with regard to my posts - should you choose to accept it....

♡let me know whether you prefer short posts or longer ones and is there a preference of a ratio of short to long for you?

♡if I don't already know you, I would really appreciate for you to introduce yourself via the COMMENTS -
- sharing what you will be doing for your February Being-♥LOVE Campaign if you are, and
- include where you live. Where you are is important to me as is the idea of people connecting all around the world as well as linking up doing the Being-♥LOVE Campaign around the globe feels pretty exciting!

♡interact with me and comment and share your opinion about the posts,

♡give me input and feedback about the impact of the posts on you,

♡suggest topics on ♡LOVE and Relationships that you are interested in, including those topics that challenge you and you want some answers to, and

It's good karma to give comments or use the LIKE  - people grow and blossom when they are seen and heard - needing acknowledgment and validation and empathy is part of being human♡.... and giving it is a muscle most people need to grow! Practice on me!.......Seriously, it does mean a lot to me every single time someone comments on my blog posts.

I dare you to give the 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign a go! Are you willing!  Let the challenge begin!

I'm hoping the theme we started with - Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans - isn't going to be the theme of this month.....but then relationships are not usually all that predictable and have a way of bringing forward our deepest and darkest concerns for us to look at....

I'm excited to hear what you are choosing to do!
To a quantum leap forward in ♡LOVE-ing for February and thank you for reading.
Much LOVE and Gratitude, Susie♡

by

The post I dare you & my double ♥LOVE challenge appeared first on Love Life Relationships.

♥LOVE TIP – Saturday January 19, 2013

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —
Of cabbages — and kings —
And why the sea is boiling hot —
And whether pigs have wings”.........

Translated that means it's time for me to say a BIG Hello and Welcome - Selamat Datang as the Indonesians say - and start writing again here on the blog after my unannounced month-off ......

And what a month it has been!
....Of adventures - and journeyings - and travelling,
Of discovering - and uncovering - and re-covering,
Of saying Goodbye to the Old Year and Welcoming in the New....

Beginning 1st January 2013 flying to the magical world of BALI...
Firstly to lead the courageous Group of Inner Explorers.......on our inaugural wonderful week-long New Year- New You Retreat at the Bali EcoVillage nestled in an isolated valley in the remote Bali jungle up near Kintamani....a timeless and freeing environment.... so much so we easily forget what day it is.......and everyone contributing in their own unique way to creating it to be a special heart-opening and soul-awakening experience... uncovering and remembering, connecting and supporting, ♡LOVE-ing, risking, inspiring, enthusing......growing and practising the new Tools and habits and basking in the new ways of being and ♡LOVE-ing in our Zone of Zero Negativity....unforgettable!......and life-changing!......

A place to turn wounds into wisdom........♡

And totally indulged and delighted were we...... and nourished and nurtured...... by the remarkably creative and scrumptious raw food meals thanks to our A-M-A-Z-I-N-G chefs ♡Ben Richards and ♡Sayuri Tanaka - www.facebook.com/theseedsoflife – such wonderful creations! Yum! Yum! And Yum again! Coming to meals was an adventure.!!!! We detoxed at breakfast, lunch and dinner and yet got to eat Chocolate, Chocolate and more Chocolate - CHOCOLATE!! YES that's right!! Chocolate! Are you intrigued?....can you believe everyone was Chocolate-d out!!!....

Amongst many memorable Adventures was the trek down the steep-steep and somewhat make-shift stairs, often slippery and slidey....sometimes muddy.... down deep into the valley to the waterfall....followed by some of the more hardy Adventurers skinny dipping under the pounding water......was exhilarating I am told.....and I can well imagine it....I ♡LOVE how much inspiration and permission one person doing something gives to others....and how other people's confidence and success and positivity is contagious.......... ......Hope you all get to experience such a magical and transformational place and group sharing one day......soon♡....

After bidding them farewell it was time for my lovely ♡Shelton and I for having FuN playing and spoiling ourselves and each other....exploring and more exploring, seeing the sights.......
....time for sheer indulgence and pampering and discovering and immersing ourselves into the beautiful Delights of Ubud...
And for us the most delightful is the FOOD, especially THE RAW FOOD, relishing the food, savouring the food....we are stoked!
We take such pleasure in, appreciating, adoring, mmmmmmmmmmm.......
We feel so indulgent to the max with many gastronomic options....so much so that we decide to go on a P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E Feast.
Did you ever do progressive dinners where you go from place to place and eat a different course at each place?
Well that was The Plan - absolutely decadently-scrumptiously-deliciously-indulgently going from Cafe to Cafe :) It was A Magnificent Plan. We had so much FuN!!....and as Ubud is such a friendly sharing place we just couldn't stop meeting & bumping into people!!

Our first stop was Juice Ja Cafe in Dewi Sita St and who do we meet there? The beautiful ♡Sayuri OF COURSE who we just needed to chat with re planning our future Retreats....and our first course...I just LOVE such serendipity!
Bye to ♡Sayuri and onto our next stop which is the Down To Earth Cafe in Jl Gotama Selatan......for our main course we choose the Dragon's Bowl recommended by ♡Sayuri - a mix of raw veges + avocado + sizzled tempeh + soba noodles with toasted sesame dressing & shredded nori AND we couldn't resist the yummie apple pie slathered with cashew cream to follow....well I bet you couldn't either!!......and then followed by cappuccino and chai latte with cashew milk at our favourite Clear Cafe in Jl Hanoman. We went and had a look at Kafe down the same street but decided we were too full!
Well almost too full!!! - Those who know ♡Shelton will know you can't walk past a Chocolaterie without tasting....another serendipitous find called Kue Simply Delicious Bakery & Cafe in Jl Raya Ubud which had marzipan truffles and yummie muffins and the rest......
Oh and to end off the night on the way back to our hotel just a few shops away a very wonderful foot massage we did have!....

And many more days of walking, walking, walking and more walking.....and wandering
finding Treasures and Trinkets and Treats...
being seduced by narrow passageways piled high with towers of goods of all types and colours and shapes and sizes....
finding delights and charms and gems and gifts....
I'm grateful for the smiles in the streets and the marketplace,
for the playfulness and easy-ness....
for the creativity and talent and the richness of the Arts and Crafts..... and most of all for The Beauty just everywhere...
for Bali generally oozing an environment of Abundance and Generosity
for the sense of Lightness and being so in the NOW and steeped in history all at the same time....

And grateful for opening me up to a long neglected-'forgotten' past of mine...
Re-awakening in me memories and stories from visits and adventures from long ago....
I am grateful for ALL!

We've decided we could live right here for a very l-o-n-g time and have an enormously good time and a lot of FuN. We are putting out the word that we are planning lots of wonderful Retreat adventures in Bali and hope to share them with many of you. You will be over the moon!!!!

Some of you will have been following my Facebook pages where I post if I am short of time [or am 'Internet-challenged' as did happen in Bali] and will have seen bits and pieces of my sharings above.....just making a Note of that here as well as extending a cordial invitation to you to come join us there too if you haven't - especially if you are missing me - Institute for Relationship Development and ♡LOVE LIFE Retreats 

Bali was about many new beginnings. For us there are many new creations on the horizon. We have been asking:  What is our Vision for this new year both personally and professionally? What do we include as we move forward? Very soon we will be inviting you take a short survey to help guide us so that we can best serve you..... We want you to tell us what you like about our work and what you would like to see more of as we move forward in creating this New Year, this New World. What is important to you?  We are seeking your input, ideas, suggestions.

All is supremely well, ♡LOVE and Blessings, Susie♡

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♥LOVE TIP – Saturday December 15, 2012

Hello Friends♥

This afternoon we went to a neighbourhood Christmas gathering/party that was generously hosted by one of our neighbours and we got to meet lots of new young people who have moved into our area in the last few years......We live in a rural area in the Hills about an hour east of Perth city in Western Australia....where much change has been happening around us as a few years ago one of the properties east of us that was originally about 15 acres was subdivided into a number of blocks that average about an acre in size.

The name of our place is Warm Fuzzy Hill and we have a sign - Welcome To Warm Fuzzy Hill at the entrance to our driveway down on the road most of them are living on.

As we are only 50 metres from the corner all the "newcomers" have been driving past our sign and have been wondering about 'what is Warm Fuzzy Hill?'.....And this is the question we were asked over and over....

They can't see our house and we don't see any neighbours from where our house is situated as our property is 5 and a half acres in size and it is a very long block and our house is far, far off the road at the end of a very, very long driveway..........

And as well we don't usually see any of the neighbours other than occasionally the ones who live either side of our driveway......as we only drive down it a couple of times a week as we do most of our work at home.....

So where did the name Warm Fuzzy Hill come from?

I offered to send our neighbours the story that inspired us to choose Warm Fuzzy Hill and as I know some of you have been intrigued and wondering too I thought I would write a blog post and share it, so here it is.......

My last partner ♡Russ and I bought our property in 1979 as a young couple when our girls were just 3 and 2 years old. We also had a foster daughter who was about 8. At that time Russ and I were studying Transactional Analysis [TA] which is a psychological theory developed by Eric Berne which you can read about in his book "Games People Play". Berne designed TA as a system that seeks to understand the interactions of people and to teach about effective communication. For more info check out this link

As ♡Russ was a primary school teacher and having young children we were considering starting our own school....... which would include teaching children about feelings.  One of things we liked about TA is that it had some great books for children at various ages and stages of development. These included T.A. for Tots And Other Prinzes by Alvyn M. Freed and JoAnn Dick; The New TA for Kids and Grown-Ups Too: Powerful Techniques for Developing Self-Esteem by Alvyn and Margaret Freed;  T.A. for Teens and Other Important People by Alvyn M. Freed as well as The Original Warm Fuzzy Tale by Claude Steiner and Jo Ann Dick.

This last book was a favourite and a way for us to easily teach the kids about positive feelings which are called Warm Fuzzies in this book. We decided Warm Fuzzy Hill was a great name for our property as we live on a hill and we wanted our Home to be a place where positive feelings were freely expressed and exchanged and it was an easy and understandable language for the children.

It is great for me to note that all those years ago creating an environment that is primarily positive - what we now call The ZNZ zone in our Relationship and Communication ♥TOOLBOX/TREASURE CHEST - was central to us.......

Here's the story in full. I encourage you to pass it on and spread the word by reading it to some children. It's also a great gift idea. Enjoy!

by Claude M. Steiner

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived two happy people called Tim and Maggie with their two children, John and Lucy. To understand how happy they were you have to understand how things were in those days.

 You see in those happy days everyone was given a small, soft Fuzzy Bag when born. Any time a person reached into this bag they were able to pull out a Warm Fuzzy. Warm Fuzzies were very much in demand because whenever someone was given a Warm Fuzzy it made them feel warm and fuzzy all over.

In those days it was very easy to get Warm Fuzzies. Anytime that somebody felt like it, he might walk up to you and say, "I'd like to have a Warm Fuzzy." You would then reach into your bag and pull out a Fuzzy the size of a child’s hand. As soon as the Fuzzy saw the light of day it would smile and blossom into a large, shaggy, Warm Fuzzy. When you laid the Warm Fuzzy on the person's head, shoulder or lap it would snuggle up and melt right against their skin and make them feel good all over.

People were always asking each other for Warm Fuzzies, and since they were always given freely, getting enough of them was never a problem. There were always plenty to go around, and so everyone was happy and felt warm and fuzzy most of the time.

One day a bad witch who made salves and potions for sick people became angry because everyone was so happy and feeling good and no one was buying potions and salves. The witch was very clever and devised a very wicked plan. One beautiful morning while Maggie was playing with her daughter the witch crept up to Tim and whispered in his ear,

"See here, Tim, look at all the Fuzzies that Maggie is giving to Lucy. You know, if she keeps it up she is going to run out and then there won't be any left for you!"

Tim was astonished. He turned to the witch and asked, "Do you mean to tell me that there isn't a Warm Fuzzy in our bag every time we reach into it?"

And the witch answered, "No, absolutely not, and once you run out, that's it. You don't have any more." With this the witch flew away on a broom, laughing and cackling all the way.

Tim took this to heart and began to notice every time Maggie gave away a Warm Fuzzy. He got very worried because he liked Maggie's Warm Fuzzies very much and did not want to give them up. He certainly did not think it was right for Maggie to be spending all her Warm Fuzzies on the children and other people.

Tim began to complain or sulk when he saw Maggie giving Warm Fuzzies to somebody else, and because Maggie loved him very much, she stopped giving Warm Fuzzies to other people as often, and reserved most of them for him.

The children watched this and soon began to get the idea that it was wrong to give Warm Fuzzies any time you were asked or felt like it. They too became very careful. They would watch their parents closely and whenever they felt that one of their parents was giving too many Fuzzies to others, they felt jealous and complained and sometimes even had a tantrum. And even though they found a Warm Fuzzy every time they reached into their bag they began to feel guilty whenever they gave them away so they reached in less and less and became more and more stingy with them.

Before the witch, people used to gather in groups of three, four or five, never caring too much who was giving Warm Fuzzies to whom. After the coming of the witch, people began to pair off and to reserve all their Warm Fuzzies for each other, exclusively. When people forgot to be careful and gave a Warm Fuzzy to just anybody they worried because they knew that somebody would probably resent sharing their Warm Fuzzies.

People began to give less and less Warm Fuzzies, and felt less warm and less fuzzy. They began to shrivel up and, occasionally, people would even die from lack of Warm Fuzzies. People felt worse and worse and, more and more, people went to the witch to buy potions and salves even though they didn't really seem to work.

Well, the situation was getting very serious indeed. The bad witch who had been watching all of this didn't really want the people to die (since dead people couldn't buy his salves and potions), so a new plan was devised.

Everyone was given, free of charge, a bag that was very similar to the Fuzzy Bag except that this one was cold while the Fuzzy Bag was warm. Inside of the witch's bag were Cold Pricklies. These Cold Pricklies did not make people feel warm and fuzzy; in fact they made them feel cold and prickly instead. But the Cold Pricklies were better than nothing and they did prevent peoples' backs from shrivelling up.

So, from then on, when somebody asked for a Warm Fuzzy, people who were worried about depleting their supply would say, "I can't give you a Warm Fuzzy, but would you like a Cold Prickly instead?"

Sometimes, two people would walk up to each other, thinking they maybe they could get a Warm Fuzzy this time, but one of them would change his mind and they would wind up giving each other Cold Pricklies instead. So, the end result was that people were not dying anymore but a lot of people were very unhappy and feeling very cold and prickly indeed.

The situation got very complicated since the coming of the witch because there were fewer and fewer Warm Fuzzies around and Warm Fuzzies which used to be free as air became extremely valuable.

This caused people to do all sorts of things in order to get Warm Fuzzies. People who could not find a generous partner had to buy their Warm Fuzzies and had to work long hours to earn the money.

Some people became "popular" and got a lot of Warm Fuzzies without having to give any back. These people would then sell their Warm Fuzzies to people who were "unpopular" and needed them to feel that life was worth living.

Another thing which happened was that some people would take Cold Pricklies--which were everywhere and freely available-and coated them white and fluffy so that they almost looked like Warm Fuzzies. These fake Warm Fuzzies were really Plastic Fuzzies, and they caused additional problems.

For instance, two or more people would get together and freely give each other Plastic Fuzzies. They expected to feel good, but they came away feeling bad instead. People got very confused never realizing that their cold, prickly feelings were because they had been given a lot of Plastic Fuzzies.

So the situation was very, very dismal and it all started because of the coming of the witch who made people believe that someday, when least expected, they might reach into their Warm Fuzzy Bag and find no more.

Not long ago, a young woman with big hips came to this unhappy land. She seemed not to have heard about the bad witch and was not worried about running out of Warm Fuzzies. She gave them out freely, even when not asked. They called her the Hip Woman and disapproved of her because she was giving the children the idea that they should not worry about running out of Warm Fuzzies. The children liked her very much because they felt good around her and they began to follow her example giving out Warm Fuzzies whenever they felt like it.

This made the grownups very worried. To protect the children from depleting their supplies of Warm Fuzzies they passed a law. The law made it a criminal offense to give out Warm Fuzzies in a reckless manner or without a license. Many children, however, seemed not to care; and in spite of the law they continued to give each other Warm Fuzzies whenever they felt like it and always when asked. Because they were many, many children, almost as many as grownups, it began to look as if maybe they would have their way.

As of now it’s hard to say what will happen. Will the grownups laws stop the recklessness of the children?

Are the grownups going to join with the Hip Woman and the children in taking a chance that there will always be as many Warm Fuzzies as needed?

Will they remember the days their children are trying to bring back when Warm Fuzzies were abundant because people gave them away freely?

The struggle spread all over the land and is probably going on right where you live. If you want to, and I hope you do, you can join by freely giving and asking for Warm Fuzzies and being as loving and healthy as you can.

© 1969 Copy write by Claude Steiner

♥MIRRORING TOPIC: Share with someone what impacts you about this post. ♥MIRROR each other for a minimum of 5 minutes. For an explanation of ♥MIRRORING see here.

Sending many warm fuzzies, LOVE Susie♥

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The post Warm Fuzzy Hill and the original Warm Fuzzy Tale♥ appeared first on Love Life Relationships.

♥LOVE TIP – Sunday December 9, 2012

Hello Friends ♥

Are you anxious about facing a job interview or people/situations you feel threatened around or some other important life or relationship task? Holding your body in "high-power" poses for short time periods can bring up an extra surge of power and sense of well-being.  Amy Cuddy shows that positioning our bodies a certain way doesn't just tell people we’re powerful it influences our biochemistry which actually makes us more powerful!! So to follow Cuddy's advice sit up straight or stand tall or pull back your shoulders and stretch out and listen and learn.......

[ted id=1569 width=560 height=315]

Social Psychologist Amy Cuddy makes 2 requests at the end of this exciting and inspiring 21 minute TED Talk: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are which are:
1) to try the power posing, and
2) to share the science.
She is eager to give it away. She says: "Share it with people, because the people who can use it the most are the ones with no resources and no technology and no status and no power. Give it to them because they can do it in private. They need their bodies, privacy and two minutes, and it can significantly change the outcomes of their life."

I believe everyone needs to know this information. Thank you Amy Cuddy for teaching us and for the gift of giving it away! I'm sharing my review of the highlights of Cuddy's talk or if you prefer there is a full transcript following the video.

How exciting to think we can change other people's perceptions — and even our own body chemistry simply by changing body positions!! And how empowering! Such important information to know which may be affecting all our communication without us even knowing the messages we are giving.

To start off she asks us to change our posture for two minutes. And before doing that do a little audit of your body and notice what you are doing with your body.

Question: are you making yourself smaller? Maybe you are hunching, crossing your legs, maybe wrapping your ankles. Sometimes we hold onto our arms. Sometimes we spread out.  Pay attention to what you're doing right now.

Social scientists are interested in nonverbal behaviour or body language and give it the name nonverbals. It is language, so what is being communicated?

What is your body language communicating to others? And what is other people's communicating to you?

Social scientists have spent a lot of time looking at the effects of our body language, or other people's body language, on judgments. People make sweeping judgments and inferences from body language. And those judgments can predict meaningful life outcomes like who we hire or promote, who we ask out on a date, whether we get what we are entitled to in many different situations....

An amazing example is from Nalini Ambady, a researcher at Tufts University, who shows that when people watch 30-second soundless clips of real physician-patient interactions, their judgments of the physician's niceness predict whether or not that physician will be sued!!! So it doesn't have to do so much with whether or not that physician was incompetent, but whether we like that person and how they interacted.

So when we think of nonverbals, we think of how we judge others, how they judge us and what the outcomes are.

We tend to forget that we are also influenced by our own nonverbals, our thoughts and our feelings and our physiology. Amy became especially interested in nonverbal expressions of power and dominance.

And what are nonverbal expressions of power and dominance?  In the animal kingdom, they are about expanding. You make yourself big, you stretch out, you take up space, you're basically opening up. And this is true across the animal kingdom.  And humans do the same thing.

Jessica Tracy has studied the expression known as pride. She shows that people who are born with sight and people who are congenitally blind do this when they win at a physical competition.

When they cross the finish line and they've won, it doesn't matter if they've never seen anyone do it. What they do is arms up in the V with the chin slightly lifted.

What do we do when we feel powerless? We do exactly the opposite. We close up. We wrap ourselves up. We make ourselves small. Both animals and humans do the same thing.

What we tend to do when it comes to power is that we complement the other's nonverbals. So if someone is being really powerful with us, we tend to make ourselves smaller. We don't mirror them. We do the opposite of them.

As a professor and researcher at Harvard Business School and watching this behaviour in the classroom, Cuddy noticed that students exhibit the full range of power nonverbals. There are people who are like caricatures of alphas, coming into the room and they get right into the middle of the room before class even starts, really occupying space. When they sit down they're sort of spread out.

And there are other people who are virtually collapsing when they come in. As soon they come in, you see it. You see it on their faces and their bodies, and they sit in their chair and make themselves tiny.

She notices a couple of things about this. It seems to be related to gender. Women feel chronically less powerful than men. The other thing she noticed is that it also seemed to be related to the extent to which the students were participating, and how well they were participating. And this is really important in the MBA (business) classroom, because participation counts for half the grade.

Business schools have been struggling with this gender grade gap. You get equally qualified women and men coming in and then you get these differences in grades which seems to be partly attributable to participation.

So she started to wonder is it possible to get people to fake it and would it lead them to participate more?  So with her main collaborator Dana Carney, from Berkeley, they created an experiment to study whether you could do this for a little while and actually experience a behavioural outcome that makes people seem more powerful.

Their question was: do our nonverbals govern how we think and feel about ourselves?

We know that our minds change our bodies, but she asks is it true that our bodies change our minds?  Here she is talking about thoughts and feelings and the sort of physiological things that make up our thoughts and feelings which are hormones.

So what do the powerful versus the powerless look like? Powerful people tend to be more assertive, more confident and more optimistic. They actually feel that they're going to win even at games of chance. They also tend to be able to think more abstractly.  They also take more risks.

There are a lot of differences between powerful and powerless people. Physiologically, there also are differences on two key hormones: testosterone, which is the dominance hormone, and cortisol, which is the stress hormone.

High-power alpha males in primate hierarchies have high testosterone and low cortisol, and powerful and effective leaders also have high testosterone and low cortisol. What does that mean? When you think about power, people tended to think only about testosterone, because that was about dominance. But power is also about how one reacts to stress. As leaders people want the person who's powerful and assertive and dominant, but not very stress reactive.

As in primate hierarchies when an alpha needs to take over, if an individual needs to take over an alpha role suddenly, within a few days, that individual's testosterone has gone up significantly and his cortisol has dropped significantly.

So what happens if at a really minimal level you make a tiny intervention? "For two minutes," you say, "I want you to stand like this, and it's going to make you feel more powerful."

So this is what they did. They brought people into the lab and ran a little experiment, and these people adopted, for two minutes, either high-power poses or low-power poses taking on only two of the five possible poses.

Here's some power poses.   You can be standing or you can be sitting.

This one has been dubbed the "Wonder Woman" by the media.

And these are the low-power poses. Folding up, making yourself small.

When you're touching your neck, you're really protecting yourself and is very low-power.

So what happens in the experiment is they come in, spit into a vial, and for two minutes the researchers say, "You need to do this or this." They don't look at pictures of the poses. They don't want to prime them with a concept of power. They want them to be feeling power. For two minutes they do this and then they ask them, "How powerful do you feel?" on a series of items.

Then they give them an opportunity to gamble to study risk tolerance, and then they take another saliva sample. That's the whole experiment.

What they find is:
- when they're in the high-power pose condition, 86% will gamble.
- when they're in the low-power pose condition, only 60% will.
That's a pretty significant difference!

What they find on testosterone is:
From their baseline when they come in:
- high-power people experience about a 20% increase,
- low-power people experience about a 10% decrease.
So in two minutes you get these changes.

What they find on cortisol is:
- high-power people experience about a 25% decrease,
- low-power people experience about a 15% increase.

So just 2 minutes results in these hormonal changes that configure their brain to basically be either:
- assertive, confident and comfortable, or
- really stress-reactive and feeling sort of shut down!!

So it seems that our nonverbals do govern how we think and feel about ourselves,
so it's not just others. Our bodies change our minds.

The next question is: can power posing for a few minutes really change your life in meaningful ways? This is in the lab. A little task for just a couple of minutes. Where can you actually apply this?

Where you want to use this is evaluative situations like social threat situations. Where are you being evaluated? Like for kids at school it could be in the playground as well as the classroom. For some people it could be speaking in public like at a school board meeting. It might be giving a pitch or giving a talk or doing a job interview. Because most people have been through job interviews most people could relate to that and so they chose it.

The most important message they wanted to get out is this is not about you talking to other people -it's you talking to yourself. What do you do before you go into a job interview? You're sitting down. You're looking at your iPhone or your notes, you're hunching up, making yourself small, when really what you should be doing is making yourself big. Just take two minutes.

That's what they wanted to test. So they brought people into the lab, and they do either high-or low-power poses and they go through a very stressful job interview. It's five minutes long. They are recorded and also judged and the judges are trained to give no nonverbal feedback. For five minutes, nothing, which people hate. It's what Marianne LaFrance calls "standing in social quicksand." This really spikes cortisol.

People are put through this job interview so they could see what happened. They then have coders look at the tapes. They're blind to the hypothesis and the conditions. They have no idea who's been posing in what pose and after looking at the sets of tapes, they say: "We want to hire these people," - all the high-power posers and also evaluate these people much more positively overall. And they didn't want to hire the others.

And what's driving it? It's not about the content of the speech. It's about the presence that they are bringing to the speech. They also rate them on variables related to competence, how well-structured is the speech, how good is it....what are their qualifications...There's no effect on those things.

So when she tells people about this, that our bodies change our minds and our minds can change our behaviour, and our behaviour can change our outcomes, they say to her, "It feels fake." So she said, fake it till you make it. Their response is: "It's not me. I don't want to get there and then still feel like a fraud. I don't want to feel like an impostor. I don't want to get there only to feel like I'm not supposed to be there".

Cuddy then tells a story from her own history when she was 19 and in a really bad car accident which resulted in her being taken out of college and how it takes her four years longer than her peers to graduate and how powerless she feels. She ends up at Princeton feeling like she is not supposed to be there, like she is an impostor. Her first-year talk was a 20-minute talk to 20 people and she was so afraid of being found out she tells her adviser she is quitting who tells her:  "You are going to fake it. You're going to do every talk that you ever get asked to do. You're just going to do it and do it and do it, even if you're terrified and just paralyzed and having an out-of-body experience, until you have this moment where you say, 'Oh my gosh, I'm doing it. Like, I have become this. I am actually doing this."'..... which is what she did do to overcome her "not supposed to be here" message she was giving herself.

She had not just faked it till she made it, she had actually faked it till she became it. She had changed. Her very strong message is: don't fake it till you make it. Fake it till you become it. Do it enough until you actually become it and internalize it!

And lastly - Tiny tweaks can lead to big changes. This is just TWO MINUTES she is suggesting!

So before you go into the next stressful evaluative situation, for just two minutes, try doing this, in the elevator, in a bathroom stall, at your desk behind closed doors.  Configure your brain to cope the best in that situation. Change your body and - get your testosterone up and get your cortisol down! Don't leave that situation feeling like, oh, I didn't show them who I am. Leave that situation feeling like, oh, I really feel like I got to say who I am and show who I am!!

What very powerful information from Cuddy for people of all ages to learn. The earlier the better! How wonderful to have scientific evidence of the importance of how you talk to yourself and the influence of your posture and body position. I'm looking forward to hearing of your experimenting with different body positions to get your testosterone up and get your cortisol down. Please share!

Love and Blessings, Susie♥

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Hello Friends♥
"To read is to fly.................." I just had to share this amazing post by Steve McCurry with you........I am very touched by everything about it...so brilliant and beautiful.........Drink deeply! LOVE Susie♥

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♥LOVE TIP – Wednesday November 14th, 2012

Hello Lovelies♡

You Folks are really THE BEST for being so patient with me for not showing up here for some time......... A BIG Thank You........ ♡♥♡

This past couple of weeks have been truly memorable - firstly because horror-of-horrors I had the major disaster of my computer shutting down and not being able to get it to start ....and only after the whole week of much "troubleshooting" by the computer-repair-wizards did they get it running again ......Whew!! and a Big Whoooopeeee!.....I learned how much I do appreciate and in fact LOVE my computer and value the connections that it gives me.........not to mention many other lessons about back-up, etc.....
It is like a best friend♡......Apart from being a major business resource/asset it is my connector to many online virtual communities I belong to that daily nourish and inspire me….......♡♥♡

Do you know, one thing that I have been thinking about lately is how liberating it would be if our ♡Elders in old people’s homes had computers and the skills to link up with people online they would be so much happier and healthier!! What do you think?

The other BIG  BIG  BIG memorable event that has filled my heart and soul and a lot of my 'spare' time has been the marriage of my youngest daughter ♡Freea to her beloved ♡Lee last Saturday, November 10th..... Yes that's two daughters and two weddings this year!

My heart is so full to bursting with ♡LOVE with all the precious and memorable moments and learning of the time leading up to the wedding as well as the ceremony and reception itself. ...........What a whole lot of blog posts there could be...... ♡
......Part of me has sorrow that I didn't have the time for writing each day and another part of me feels very grateful that my days were so full that writing wasn't an option......

I am one very proud and blessed Mummy - what a gift my gorgeous ♡Freea is to me♡♥♡...... ♡Karen, one of my blogging friends, is so right with her comment - there's "nothing as deep as a momma's love"......[translate - mum, mom, mummy - your word for mother]

........And I got to walk this stunning woman down "the aisle"........I'm reflecting on whether that was the greatest pleasure or whether it was waiting 'with bated breath' with everyone else to be dazzled by her gorgeousness as she steps from behind the limousine.....following the procession of the three sweet, delightful and excited young flower girls and page boy sprinkling a path of flower petals before her.......as well as the beautiful bridesmaids.......but you'll have to wait for those pictures to come....I'm waiting, waiting.....expectantly...

How truly adorable and gorgeous in all ways is this magnificent woman......my daughter. Sometimes I look at my two girls.....and it feels like they will always be my girls even though they are two incredibly mature and competent women.....and I think of how much I adore them.....in that adoring way that most people associate with babies and young children......Like I want to trace their features and caress their skin and their softness and snuggle in and hold them close and kiss them all over and just sit and look at them and marvel at their beauty and bask in their heart and soul energy...........

Do you feel this way about your grown-up children? Does your chest just swell with so much pride and joy at the thought of those moments in your life when they've touched you deeply......when your heart just glows and grows huge.......How very blessed and privileged we are as parents to bring such wonder into the world and have their presence in our lives...........You can well imagine it was all I could do to contain myself spending the morning with ♡Freea as she was made up and coiffured and pampered and dressed and turned into a princess.....to meet her prince...

Beautiful rose and honeysuckle petals...........baskets full of them that had been gathered and gifted from many different home gardens.....were liberally sprinkled and showered by guests throughout the ceremony.....creating a colourful and fragrant path of ♡LOVE .....well of course you can imagine how much I loved that!!

Photo credit Marc Russo 

One of the hard pieces of the day was that ♡Freea's father ♡Russ died 12 years ago................... I can just picture him bursting with such pride and joy and ♡LOVE seeing ♡Freea so radiant and beautiful and happy...... I remember not long after he died sitting on a big rock out in the bush - out in the bush is where ♡Freea and I have had some of our most significant ♡heart talks - and she shared that one of her sorrows at his dying was that he wouldn't be there for her wedding day.....not that there was anyone in her life that she was thinking of marrying at that time.....

Many times rainbows have been one of the signs that ♡Russ 'is around'........showing up in many different ways and places .......so you can imagine my delight when this rainbow spread across the sky that afternoon - a beautiful and touching gift and blessing of his presence.....♡

Photo credit Marc Russo

“Couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking”..................     ~ Chinese Proverb

“we do not remember days, we remember moments….” ~ Cesare Pavese.

Many precious moments....I will write of more...........♡LOVE from a most grateful Susie♡♥♡

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