Being dead. What Is Your Legacy♥ What is the meaning to ♥life♥

by susiesheartpathblog on June 23, 2012

LOVE TIP – Saturday June 23rd, 2012

Hello dear Friends

”When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive
– to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.’ ~ Marcus Aurelius

My brother Malcolm, two and a half years younger than me at 59, died at 5am this morning.

This is a brother who kept very much to himself. A very private man.
Who learned to protect by staying silent.
Who learned to stay safe by disappearing inside.
By being very selective and opening his heart to the few that he gave ‘the password’ to….
I give thanks for and honour his life, for the paths he has walked, the choices he’s made.
For the life he chose….this man who was a brother, son, cousin, husband, son-in-law, father, father-in-law, step-father, uncle, grandfather, friend, mate, work colleague, neighbour..........and so much more.......

I wanted to share how I am doing. I have felt your support and Love.
I am grate-full for your caring and kind prayers and blessings.

Right now, these words are what’s in me….

Where did you go♥
Where are you now
What’s it all about♥
Why are we here
Questions with no answers
Thoughts with no response
I’m sitting here pondering,
sitting here wondering.
I just don’t get how you can be so alive
be breathing, be flesh, be soft, be warm,
then so dead, so silent, so un-alive.
So deadly still, so hard, so cold,
like a statue, so lifeless, so un-moving
Yet I wonder how can this stillness, this quietness 
roar so loud♥
I can’t make meaning of it, of you being dead
I can’t make meaning of us being alive
I can’t make meaning of who is now lying in the bed
I can’t make meaning of me trying to decide

No amount of teaching and messages wake us up like personal experience.

I was sitting with Malcolm late last night, he sedated and unconscious labouring with each breath, us told there would not be many more till it would be his last breath........ and I was thinking about recently reading of the tribe where the pregnant women go out and listen for the song of their unborn child which they go back and teach to the tribe....which is then sung at their birth, and their marriage, and all other significant times in the person's life up till the time it is sung when they are dying.......and I was reflecting on what is Malcolm's song.....What came to me is  What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong..... which I sang to him over and over and will now remember him by.........I love the idea of people being sung to as they die.......


 Wake up before you get a wake-up call is ‘the lesson of the day’.


boy, son, brother 

young man



grandfather -'Poppy'

The words below are part of a poem I wrote back in 2001 which  was 22 months after the death of my last partner Russ and 7 months into my relationship with Shelton.... 

Asking myself a thousand times     
Why did he have to die♥
Why do we all have to die♥
Why do good things have to end♥
How can I love so deeply
without breaking my heart♥
Is it possible, or is it just being human,
being delicate and fragile and tender♥
I wish I had answers,
could help us to understand.
Yet all I keep coming to is to love
more deeply, more sweetly, more truly
not wasting a moment finding
more ways to offer your heart,
more ways to open your soul.
Let’s walk the tightrope of living and dying
experiencing the deep loving and losing.
Perhaps in embracing full living and loving
we’ll give new meaning to
all of our Beloveds who’ve died.

Wondering and pondering, with LOVE from a perplexed and questioning and inquiring and 'thrown' Susie who is also feeling peace-full ♥

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Patti says:

Sending you loving kindness. It sounds like you love him very much. I am sorry for your loss.

sending love and prayer to wrap you tender
and cover you and those beautiful questions
with comfort and peace.
with you,

Death, a time of upheaval…questions as old as the human race…. My love to you and your family as you adjust and redefine your life as-it-is-now, without Malcolm. Be gentle with yourself and one another as you each grieve in the way that’s right for you. xoxoxo

Dear Susie, my deepest sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your dear brother. And thank you for writing such a beautiful post from the depth of your soul, so we could understand more deeply the loss of someone so dear as well as the meaning of life in that process.
Wishing you all peace, comfort and much love. Hugs. xo

Hilary says:

Sharing your sadness Susie, beautiful photos of Malcolm
‘No amount of teaching and messages wake us up like personal experience’, and also ‘Perhaps in embracing full living and loving we’ll give new meaning to all of our ♥Beloveds who’ve died’, I thought amongst many stood out for me, I think because, at what point do we stop needing the wake up calls♥ At what point are we content to just be what we are♥ Thank you for sharing your thoughts, peace and love to you and the family

To my dearly beloved sister Susie

Thank-you for honouring our brother so eloquently.

Today is the anniversary of our older brother Jeffrey’s death. He died only 1 year ago. So now there are only 3 sister’s left of our original family.

It is a time of contemplation. A time to see if my own life is on track. I seem to get so absorbed in working and doing and not having time to “smell the roses”. I am trying to wake up and not be so anaesthetized. I have been sitting looking at old photos and listening to music that reminds me of Malcolm. I am wondering about what I need to change now so that when it is my turn to leave this world I will have no regrets. How do I want people to think and feel about me when I am gone♥ Can I be a better mother, partner, sister, daughter in law, cousin, aunty, friend or work mate♥

I asked Malcolm if he found the meaning of life. He told me it was to love and be loved of which he found both. It is just such a shame he wasn’t able to enjoy it longer.

I truly value him in my life as he was always there when I needed him. He carried me when I broke my leg. He would dinky me on his bike up a big hill to take me to a friends house to play. He gave me away and was my MC at my wedding when my father and older brother were not there. He was God Father to my first son at his naming ceromony. He has been there for me endless times.

I always thought of him as solid as a rock. Someone very dependable and reliable. He wasn’t outwardly emotional but I knew he loved me. I am very proud to say he was my brother. I am just so sad he will no longer be here physically.

I am also proud to say you and Wendy are my sisters.

Love you always

Gaelia says:

Dearest Susie,
Thought & prayers are with you at this time of deep loss. I can only imagine how it would feel to lose a sibling. Your post has touched me with it’s raw honesty & depth of feeling. You are a truly beautiful human being. The world is a better place with you in it. Many many thanks for the care & compassion you show for all those around you. I feel so blessed to know you & have you as a part of my life.
Love from Gaelia.

Cathy says:

Dearest Susie Shelton & Families
Deepest sympathy for your loss
Losing a brother leaves such a trail of questions
Thinking of You All
Much Love To YOU Susie
Cathy Scott & Family xx

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