9 months [36 weeks] Post Fire….being really. really. really. REAL♥

by susiesheartpathblog on September 22, 2014

LOVE NOTE – Monday September 22nd, 2014

9 months [36 weeks] Post Fire.
OK, OK, time for me to be really. really. really. REAL.

I am over sharing my 5 Things I Am Grateful For each day on the 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign Facebook page! Gosh I’ve been doing it every night since June 1st – that’s nearly 4 whole months and my brain is still NOT re-wired and neurologically revamped and refurbished so that I’m able to be happy!!

grateful-eyes

Nope, I didn’t get that right! Lots of parts of the world still look the same way! A failure at happiness rewiring 101!!

I’m over looking for the positive. Over being  a ♡LOVE-Finder. Over presenting my confident, strong Superwomen part who can bend steel in her bare hands, jump buildings with a single pounce, do cartwheels and back flips whilst fighting a never-ending battle for peace, justice, ♡LOVE and Zero Negativity……

supersusie

My QUEEN R-A-N-T part needs to write the post tonight as I am feeling so l-o-w that I just want to go to bed and never. ever.  get up.

I am over having to choose between this hot water system or that one, or this one or that one!! And multiply it times what feels like a h-u-n-d-r-e-d different types! Do you know how many frigging ways there are to have a hot water system and types and makes of?
Too many!
W-a-y too many for me to choose one and feel like I am going to be GETTING IT RIGHT and the next person who walks in is NOT going to tell me I’M GETTING IT WRONG and the problems with the choice I have made and why didn’t I think of______________!!!.

And how should I know anyway????  I DON’T KNOW! I am just a bloody therapist, not a house builder or an architect or a designer or a carpenter or a plumber or an electrician or a cabinet maker or a solar hot water company rep selling the range of systems they stock and it could go on forever. and ever. and ever. about WHAT I AM NOT . and what I am not skilled in!! I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!

I am well and truly o-v-e-r hot water systems and troughs and sinks and benches and taps and walls and doors and handles and floors and tiles and knocking out this wall and replacing these doors and windows and where to put these taps and pipes and waste and what cupboards and benches to build and where and trying to imagine fitting furniture and appliances into spaces that are too small and that are makeshift that people have generously donated to us and I’m over not knowing how much to spend “as you don’t know whether you want to live there anyway!!”

Or looking at homes to buy on the internet and then traipsing around Home Opens or ringing agents to show us properties and houses. But then I don’t even know where I want to live let alone in what kind of house and for what reasons, do I? Don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life? Don’t know where I want to do it!

And I am over having bits and pieces of paper and brochures everywhere with notes about this that and everything littering and piling up so high that I can’t find what I am looking for when I need something anyway that I am almost daydreaming about another bushfire coming and just burning all the bloody lot up and then I can just GIVE UP and GIVE IN and go and lie on a beach or in a hammock somewhere and it be legitimate for me to just be a tragic traumatised has-been for the rest of my meaningless life.

And I am sad and it is gloomy and miserable that I don’t have a father or a mother or a big brother or a little brother or a big friend or a little friend who I can turn to who knows what to do, and can help, and does help, and who is there for me and just swoops in like a good fairy or Superman or Superwoman or Wonderwoman and knows what to do and does it.

Phew!!

grief-mess-GU

I thought if I let the Queen R-A-N-T part write and express her way of seeing things then I would feel better and then I would be able to get on with things. But I was wrong, it hasn’t. Yet I guess I’ve done one thing in that I’ve allowed myself to be a BIG MESS. Correction – BEAUTIFUL MESS  :)  and I’ve been real and open about it……………………even though I’m S-Q-U-I-R-M-I-N-G thinking of the judgments that people can make……

Admittedly I am not as low and gloomy and cheerless and a bit of my frontal lobes have come back on board BUT I. still. don’t. know. how. to make a lot of the choices that I need to make…… and it is tiresome and energy sapping to daily be facing choice after choice that I don’t really know enough about…….

And it is tiresome and energy sapping to daily have to put that positive face forward; to stride chest-forward chanting in my head “I CAN DO IT” when really being able to do most of the above is in the league of riding naked and bare-back on a sleek Black Beauty type stallion galloping across the moors, or hang diving off the highest craggy cliff or swimming with sharks or lying in a Perspex case with scorpions crawling all over me [like the woman on TV did tonight], none of which I did when I was 16 let alone now in my 60’s.

So be it!……

I am grateful for you being a super-power [well you read this far - that deserves a lot of credit in my book] and indulging me…… Let’s see what tomorrow brings and back to my mantra –

One day at a time!!!

LOVE from a tired Susie♥

♡♡DAY 265 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign – WOOHOO only 100 more DAYS TO GO!!!

About susiesheartpathblog

My wish with Susies♥HeartpathBlog is to connect and relate to you from my heart and soul and mind to your heart and soul and mind …..whilst sharing information and Resources about ♡LOVE-ing and Relationships and FULL exuberant ALIVENESS★

My intention is to provide a space where you can engage with me and with the community of those who are ‘walking’ the ♥HEART PATH of conscious relationships…..
- people who daily make choices and actions about becoming and being more ♡LOVE-ing…….
- people who care that their partners and families and friends and the wider community feel ♡LOVE-d and ♡LOVE-able…people who are curious about and respect and validate the reality of ‘the other’ and who choose to create and live in a Zero Negativity Zone [ZNZ zone]....
I am committed to teaching and sharing practical user-friendly communication ♡TOOLS and Skills and processes that lead to growth and deep healing, connection, ♡LOVE and intimacy.
I am a passionate net-worker and committed to connecting people to the abundance of Resources that are available – I believe much of what we need is out there, yet people don’t often know the Resources are there or if they do, where to find them. I love putting people in touch with opportunities and possibilities….

This entry was posted in 365 DAY Being-♥LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign♥DAILY LOVE TIPSWarm Fuzzy Hill,ZERO NEGATIVITY ZONE ♥LOVE-ing and tagged ,,. Bookmark the permalink. Edit

10 Responses to 9 months [36 weeks] Post Fire….being really. really. really. REAL♥

    • “…..A renewed sense of hope and many glimmers of light” received and filling me up to the top……..I am ever grateful for your journeying with me dear lady….Much LOVE♡

  1. Suzi says:
    • 24 hours later than when I wrote the post the light has been switched on again…or more to the point my eyes have been uncovered and I am seeing the light you have reminded me is always there. Big Hugs, with gratitude and LOVE Susie♡

  2. Hilary says:

    Thank you for being real.
    Sometimes it’s one hour at a time.
    God bless.

    Replysusiesheartpathblog says:

    • Being not-real is too hard to do and takes too much toll ♡Hilary.
      And Yes I appreciate the reminder that there are times when ‘one day at a time’ is much too big a space – one hour….or one minute…… or even one second at a time might be what works. With Gratitude and LOVE, Susie♡

  3. I know how you feel Susie! Will it ever end? I think so, it is just crap having to go through all the hard bits and keep motivating yourself to get up and do it again each day. Lots of love to you. <3

    • Hey Lisa♡
      Let’s visualize a strong picture of The Ending. I’ll remind you and you keep reminding me……. There is the crap and hard bits and keeping on motivating ourselves and getting up and doing it again and again and again……
      and there is moving forward, and new permissions, and being guided and realness and grace and progress and ___________. We can do it  :)
      With ♡LOVE and boldness and many new adventures, Susie♡

  4. ooohsusanna says:

    Ah Susie…sometimes a girl’s just gotta vent. I’m here beaming chocolate, wine, a trashy novel and a hot water heater in your direction. XOXOXO
    Oh, and a foot massage too!

    • Perfecto ooohsusanna sweetums♡…….
      Right on dear lady! You are soooooo good at painting a beautiful picture. I did chuckle at reading your comment and felt blessed by you. I see chocolate, an engrossing ♡Jodi Picoult novel being read whilst lying in the bath covered with the sweetest aromatherapy bubbles swishing around in the hot water from the already chosen and installed hot water heater….followed by a wonderful foot massage…..WooHoo …..
      ♡Shelton can have the wine  :)
      LOVE and kudos to you♡

      Sally PalaianDeanne Elizabeth BakerMarcia Ferstenfeld and 17 others like this.

      •  Darlyne Cahoon Dear Susie, sending you love and peace.
         Susie Itzstein Thanks muchly ♡Darlyne. Lovely to hear from you. Hope all is well♡
      •  Suzanne McRae Thinking of you often. xo
      • Interesting open honest and from the heart Susie
        Your strength to win will come from what you learnt in the 1st seven years on earth
        And Win you will.
        I am blessed to have found a home that I love and this Xmas will b my 1st with all my children together
        I looked at building
        I deleted the thought
        At 70 yrs of age I wanted action Now
        I did not want the hassles of building and all that goes with it
        I have seen enough with my clients over the years
        The process of finding and buying my home was exasperating 
        Let alone building and all the decisions that are required
        Limited resources did not help either
        I was blessed with a good agent and a brilliant conveyancer
        There is a God Susie.
        And
        He/she is smiling on you
        If you two need to escape for a while n count the stars come to Pakenham
        I have a room waiting and you can have free run of my home
        Drive me to the train n there is a car for you as well
        It is a beautiful world
        It is a sin not to enjoy it
      •  Carol Mills Yep, well I have a hammock and a beach with coconut palms LOL. Although must admit its kind of over rated because can be boring after a while . And fairy god mothers are in short supply at the minute, but look if you need a palm tree, happy to supply PS enjoyed the rant xxx
      •  Fleur Adams Sending you love, and wish I could do more 
      •  Glenys Anderson Hey Susie its good to get it out and just be real. Sending BIG LOVE xxxxx
      •  Theresa Christina Sending lots of love Susie, sounds like you are being all that you can be right now, I hope you get some time to nurture you amongst all of that busyness and decision making xxx
      •  Sandy Elwood Oh I hear you Suzie...
        When I read this it was like you were my secretary typing dictation... 
        The worst part is the decision making.. and knowing you made the the right choice when you DO eventually make the choice... SO DAMN HARD!!!!
        I have made the right choices in the end. Building our shed and moving back on block. 
        Getting rid of my first builder and NOT making a choice on a house just because I have to. 
        Taking my time from now on and NOT letting anyone tell me what i should be doing.
        I'm in no hurry anymore.
        Now thats my RANT over. Xxx
      •  Natasha Ryan Reality will bless you in the end Susie @):-
      •  Randy Van Poecke Your justifiable rant clearly expresses the frustration that many people must have to go through. As you said, you are not a builder or a plumber or an electrician yet you have to make all those decisions
        My knowledge of these things is limited so I am of little use to you at all. One thing I do know though is that in years to come you won't remember too much of the tedium but you will be able to look around at what your decisions created.
      •  Rhonda Ciccotosto  I empathise with you Susie and sometimes wish that I had a caring and wise guide to help me through life. A mentor to make sure I follow the right path. Someone who knows what to do, what choices to make, is a good teacher or sometimes, just does it all for me. Someone who would know how really hard it can be at times. It is overwhelming when there are so many choices and too much information. It would be great to just have someone clear out the clutter and junk. However that is a fantasy. That all mighty being does not exist.We are all just human beings living our lives trying to find our way and make the most it. It takes lots of time and energy just researching before deciding and then doing. Sure, there is nothing wrong with being grateful and positive and looking out for love and enjoying your life. I value your realness in this post.
      •  Tamara O'Dowd Susie - you don't even have to be a beautiful mess. You can be a big UGLY mess and we will love you. We will love you. Even more. Always. Promise. Take YOUR time. Time is yours.
      •  Karen Beale If it makes you feel any better Susie, you are not alone. Mum and Dad are feeling the same about their house and Mum just buried her best friend of 50 years yesterday. Keep it in perspective. Cry, scream what ever gives you a bit of relief.
      •  Helen Ferrara Dear Susie, lots of love to you  always... I'm not a fairy godmother either  but I'll share what I believe and what I'm learning...that's it's all right to feel however we feel...the more we just allow ourselves to feel without any judgement attached the more feelings pass like the weather...but sometimes even bad weather seems to 'set in' and that's ok, although it's fun to play in the sunshine curling up in bed is ok too, not matter how long we feel like being there... I've also found that deep inside we know what's best for us better than anyone else will ever know, but sometimes it takes a lot of listening to find this out, and a lot of forgiving ourselves, including forgiving ourselves for not living up to our ideals of not being cross and miserable and so much more besides, or not getting over it as quickly as we'd like...We seem to spend so much time in our heads...and sometimes we just need to be...of course the thoughts are likely to continue anyhow but they don't have to define us...there is a quieter place within us that whispers to us all that we need to know, whenever we need it...that doesn't mean that it's going to do it on our minds' terms...we need to trust it and give it time, trust ourselves and give ourselves time, however long that is...Sorry for my rant - loads of love  <3
      •  Evelyn Benoit So 'enjoyed' your rant, Susie. Healthy, I would say. Appreciate the quote. Perfect. You make so much sense. Decisions sure can feel crazy making. Yes. One day at a time. Sometimes one second at a time. Time to just sit and meditate. Enjoy the moment - whatever it is.
      •  Marcia Ferstenfeld We're with you, Susie Superwoman!!! Sending you all the healing energy we can generate from Michigan! :-)) xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
         Deanne Elizabeth Baker You are allowed to be pissed off... this makes you even more super and realxxx

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